I saved it offline....
'Dear Diary, Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy.' 'Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.'
Jayne ,'Safe'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Theodosia - Oct 27, 2002 5:51:07 pm PST #152 of 10001
'we all walk this earth feeling we are frauds. The trick is to be grateful and hope the caper doesn't end any time soon"
Alibelle - Oct 27, 2002 6:09:15 pm PST #153 of 10001
Apart from sports, "my secret favorite thing on earth is ketchup. I will put ketchup on anything. But it has to be Heinz." - my husband, Michael Vartan
Thanks, guys.
Edit: My post really wasn't meant to be a chastisement, I just didn't want to get critiques after I spent money. Also, I wasn't sure if I should leave the link up, if I did not want critiques. And to say thanks again, for all the support.
Rebecca Lizard - Oct 27, 2002 8:30:58 pm PST #154 of 10001
You sip / say it's your crazy / straw say it's you're crazy / as you bicycle your soul / with beauty in your basket
since I've just spent about $20 making 23 copies of it,
Oh, dude, your English department copier is not free and all-access? t slightly smug I love Bennett Hall.
Alibelle - Oct 27, 2002 8:43:54 pm PST #155 of 10001
Apart from sports, "my secret favorite thing on earth is ketchup. I will put ketchup on anything. But it has to be Heinz." - my husband, Michael Vartan
Oh, dude, your English department copier is not free and all-access? I love Bennett Hall.
Not only is the English copier not free, it's completely hands off for students. You can make copies at the library for ten cents a copy. At Kinko's I would've spent about $37. At The Paper Clip, I spent $16.24. I feel like I got quite a deal, other than the part where it should be free, but isn't.
CaBil - Oct 30, 2002 2:52:43 pm PST #156 of 10001
Remember, remember/the fifth of November/the Gunpowder Treason and Plot/I see no reason/Why Gunpowder Treason/Should ever be forgot.
Need someone to beta a comic book script of mine.
Knowledge of the title The Authority would be helpful.
Steph L. - Oct 30, 2002 6:41:30 pm PST #157 of 10001
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
New poem, prompted by recent events...
Any thoughts welcome. I'm VERY new to writing poetry.
***********
Daylight Savings Time
I shake my tiny fist ineffectually
at the 5:00 darkness.
An hour stolen with the
turn of a dial.
Shadows creep into corners
that only a week ago
held puddles of sunshine.
Gloom is the backdrop
as day is kidnapped by night.
The days grow shorter.
Beverly - Oct 30, 2002 9:12:38 pm PST #158 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
I'm in two workshop groups, and we've been working together so long we shorthandspeak. Plus I think we've all developed rhino hide. If I come on too harsh, please know I think your work worth critique, and I treat you as an equal. I haven't written jack in weeks, or I'd share. When I do, I will, and l then lay on MacDuff, and damn'd be (me) that first cries "hold, enough!"
I shake my (tiny) fist ineffectually
at (the) 5(:00) pm darkness.
An hour stolen with the
turn of a dial.
Shadows creep into corners
that (only) a week ago
held puddle(s)d (of) sunshine. (or sunlight)
Gloom is the backdrop
as day is kidnapped by night.
The days grow shorter.
The last line is tres obvious and un-needed, but if you transpose it, so:
Days grow shorter
and gloom is the backdrop
as night kidnaps day.
"kidnaps" is much more active than "is kidnapped by" and is a strong word and image to end on, to linger in memory after the poem is read.
Most "the"s, "a"s, "but"s, etc., are extraneous. Just get to the meat of it, and find the rhythm. Very tasty, Teppy. I like it! Plus, I share your sentiments.
For some unfathomable reason, the strikeout html isn't working, so I've tried to make do with parens. Sorry for the confusing.
Rebecca Lizard - Oct 30, 2002 9:20:58 pm PST #159 of 10001
You sip / say it's your crazy / straw say it's you're crazy / as you bicycle your soul / with beauty in your basket
I like the last line a lot. I thought it was a great ending-- the inevitability of timecakes.
God, I sound so inarticulate when I have a headache.
Melusina - Oct 31, 2002 4:58:32 am PST #160 of 10001
Nice is different than good.
CaBil, my husband and I are both Authority fans and would be glad to look at your comic script.
Steph L. - Oct 31, 2002 5:12:49 am PST #161 of 10001
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
The last line is tres obvious and un-needed
I know it's obvious, but that was the point -- the way the poem is structured, in decreasing stanzas.
Thanks for *all* your feedback, though. I appreciate it, and I wouldn't have posted it if I didn't want critique. It's 7:15 a.m. right now, and so I'm going to go over the suggestions *after* I've had some coffee!
Thanks, truly.