I'm a bad person.
So I had this date last night, with a girl I met on eHarmony. I went in with mild trepidations, because, though I've thoroughly enjoyed our online conversations, there were a few signs that my feelings towards her would be amused-but-not-really-interested. Still, date, whole point is getting-to-know and whatnot.
Dinner was good. Tasty pasta, interesting conversation, good bit of wine. Still undecided on interest level - no real connection, but no evidence that connections could not be found.
Post-dinner drinks at her apartment, with her roommate. Fun, but warning levels increasing - she changed her clothes a lot, and acknowledged the girly-craziness of it, and I thought it was funny - but still a turnoff. Obsessively talked about decorating the new apartment. Calling herself fat (P.S. she's not). Also, regular smoker, and I'm sensitive to it, as I can definitely feel this morning. None of these are deal-breakers by themselves, but they speak to a thought process that's not for a girlfriend. But I'm still having fun, a bit drunk, not in the mood to end the night just yet.
Karaoke bar. GREAT Karaoke bar. More drinks. The thing is, you put me, drinks, karaoke, and an amenable pretty girl together, and my judgment is gone, gone, gone. Girl in arms. Kissing girl. REALLY good kisses.
Back at girl's apartment. Wasted. Girl, also wasted. Say should leave, can't think with brain when drunk with girl. Girl say don't leave, sleep on floor in still-unfurnished-not-moved-into room. Cuddle. Girl pretty. Brain bad. David stay.
Wake up, again with the use of brain, judgment, and verbs. Realize that I should have left last night, but didn't. Sigh. Still, the girl's very cute when she's asleep, so I enjoy the arm-bundle until she has to wake up to go to her work. This was the second bad-judgment moment, because instead of admitting my fully confirmed lack of serious interest, I... didn't. I kissed her instead, and sent her off to work.
It's weird because yesterday was the first time we've met, but because of the whole eHarmony vibe I know a lot about how she sees relationships. And she likes me, and definitely wants things to continue, and I clearly did a bad job of showing that I... don't. And it's sad, because I do like her, and I do think we could be friends, except that we met in this way that simply makes THAT impossible, but I already care about her enough that it's gonna suck telling her and bursting the romantic fantasies about me she already has.
Blah.
Biopsy results - not cancer. So that's nice. Thank you all for the overwhelming ~ma!
oh, that's great! The coochies are all good!
I'm a bad person.
yes, you are :) End it as soon as possible. Don't string her along.
eta: added a smiley face. seemed a little harsh. but you still should end it.
Gris, you are not a bad guy. I mean, if you went into it thinking "This girl likes me and I could really use that to my advantage," well, then you would be a bad guy, but it doesn't sound like you did that.
I hope you get things sorted out with a minimum amount of awkwardness and hurt feelings.
Hey, Lee! A documentary about Deer Isle, Maine!
[link]
OOH, thanks Tom. Also , insent a moment ago, and not about my trip to NYC.
Both Vortex and Stephanie are right. You didn't go into it with the intention of hurting her, but now that you know it might it's better to deal with it upfront. It's if you don't that you become a bad, bad man.
End it as soon as possible.
E-mail is being composed as we speak. And I'll probably call her tonight, too, though I really, really hate the thought of combining my consuming fear of the telephone with my consuming fear of making people sad.
I just read over my original post, and I didn't quite make it clear that I really still thought there was potential there all the way up until this morning. At least, I think I thought so. In fact, the I'm-going-to-have-to-end-this-for-sure moment didn't actually occur until we went to buy coffee and cigarettes, right before I left. And, though I did mention the possibility of a second date at dinner, I didn't otherwise encourage future thoughts. I just didn't outright discourage them, either.
Anyway, thanks for the support. I totally get those guys that would become the "He's just not that into you" mixed message guy at this point. So much easier. So much eviller.
Gris, I've been on her end more times than I care to think about and it would have been much easier if he had just said "hey, got caught up in the moment, but I really don't think this is going anywhere.
No email. In person.
Generally, I'd agree, but
I really, really hate the thought of combining my consuming fear of the telephone with my consuming fear of making people sad.
so maybe it would be better to send an email. Maybe with a caveat "Sending an email is crappy, but I really hate to upset people, and I've found myself getting into situations that just got worse because I didn't want to upset someone, and i don't want to do that to you. You're a great person, but just not the person for me." And then, call her after a few days.
