Fresh mummy, get your fresh mummy here. Fresh mummy. Everybody likes a new mummy...

What flavor is it?

It's mummy - it hasn't got a flavor!

"Lives in Phoenix. Cup of tea. Almost got shagged."

erika, my bio for Lost In The Grooves reads, in its entirety, "JZ lives and works in San Francisco. When things get rough, she likes to ask herself, 'What Would Buffy Do?'"

First off, Gud. I adore you. I think you are one of the finest father's out there and one of the most patient husbands and while there are a lot of men out there like you, there are more who should strive to be you. But, being the blunt person I am, I ask you this with every ounce of love and respect; what are you teaching your children about marriage by staying with your wife and letting her treat you like piece of crap? From what we are able to see, and granted it's one side, you are constantly being berated, belittled, and abused in an emotional and mental way by your wife. Does this happen in front of the kids? From what your daughter said to you, I have to think yes, at least sometimes. And I wonder what peripheral message they are receiving. I'm know that you love those kids like crazy and do everything within your power to make sure they know that, but I worry about them, and of course, you too. I don't like seeing any of my friends being abused this way.

Again, I am NOT criticizing your marriage, your child rearing, your decisions AT ALL. I'm just...trying to have a better understanding. And please, poke me with a great big stick if I've stepped over any boundaries here.

I thought things were going better marriage-wise, but I think I may have blown it.

Gud, I know that we only hear your side of things, but here's my opinion, straight up: failing to water the plants well enough is NOT "blowing it." In fact, I don't think there's anything you could do to the plants, up to and including smoking them and sticking them in your bottom, that would ever be in the realm of "blowing it." They're just plants.

And needing to work late is something that happens to everyone once in a while -- would she be more rage-filled if you got fired for not working late and then no longer had a paycheck? Needing to work late is NOT "blowing it."

"Blowing it," in my book, would be sleeping with hookers. Or not paying the bills so you can support your crystal meth habit that you've been hiding from her. Or putting the kids in danger.

Plants won't die from 4 days of inadequate water, so not even the plants were in danger. This is nuts.

Gud, she's being emotionally abusive to you, and if your daughter is picking up on your reaction, then she's also got to be picking up on the anger and other damaging emotions coming from your wife, and *that* isn't good for the kids. t edit [x-post with Aimee the Wise]

I know this is unbearably hard for you -- in fact, since I've never been married, I actually *don't* know how hard it is -- but the situation isn't healthy for you, Gud.

(((Gus))) I know we only hear your side on all

It really is one sided, and I tend to post about stuff when I just need to get something off my chest so it sounds worse than it really is. Maybe I'm just overreacting right now too, I'm just worried becuase things have been better and I don't want to slide back down.

Thanks everybody for the support and being willing to listen to me getting something off my chest.

My wife was away for four days at a conference, anyhow I apparently didn't water the plants well enough so I took a lot of flak. Now it looks like I need to work late to fix a mistake I made and when I told her that I got cold rage.

These things don't deserve cold rage.

Gud's feelings are more important than plant-life. Does that sound like a radical statement? If it does, then you're so far into the shit you can't see what's happening.

It's best to keep the hostility away from the kids, but that requires a commitment from both parents. Not stoicism from one.

I fell behind yet again, and had all sorts of things I wanted to mention. Important things like ~ma and punctuation and nifty ships and pr0n, and all sorts of stuff like that. Alas, I saw Raq’s picture with her new GORGEOUS haircut, and all I can say is WOWZA! Although I clearly say wowza with lots of extraneous letters.

And then I read Raq's more recent post, and it was the only thing that could drive her earlier post out of my mind. Ow. And ew.

It really is one sided, and I tend to post about stuff when I just need to get something off my chest so it sounds worse than it really is. Maybe I'm just overreacting right now too, I'm just worried becuase things have been better and I don't want to slide back down.

I think if I look back to posts from 8 months or so ago, I could find myself saying something like this. I'm not saying we are/were in the same situation - not remotely - but I will reiterate what one of Z's best friends said to me: there are many ways to be abused. Emotional abuse is just harder to see/feel/prove/get away from.

Not trying to dog-pile, though I know we are, but.... Well, you know, honey.

{{Gud}} does it help that I have learned a few things from your marriage? I tend to be very blunt and so I have been spending most of my married life trying to really say what I mean, and make sure it sounds the way I mean it. your reactions to what you wife says - and the fact that is doesn't seem to matter weather it is plants, groceries or a philisophical belief have re-enforced that idea. I will probbably always call DH evil for putting recycling in the garbage - but since he will probbably always put the soda can in the nearest recpatcle, it is a good way for me to be exsaperated, without it becoming a big deal. If it is a serious issue, I use serious words. And the second thing , if somethign is important to me I give very clear, very detailed instructions. Not because DH can't do it, but because it matters to me that something is done a particular way. and i do that as little as possible.

It is ok for your daughter to know you feel bad. Just as long as she knows it isn't her responsiblity to make things better.