I thought things were going better marriage-wise, but I think I may have blown it.

Gud, I know that we only hear your side of things, but here's my opinion, straight up: failing to water the plants well enough is NOT "blowing it." In fact, I don't think there's anything you could do to the plants, up to and including smoking them and sticking them in your bottom, that would ever be in the realm of "blowing it." They're just plants.

And needing to work late is something that happens to everyone once in a while -- would she be more rage-filled if you got fired for not working late and then no longer had a paycheck? Needing to work late is NOT "blowing it."

"Blowing it," in my book, would be sleeping with hookers. Or not paying the bills so you can support your crystal meth habit that you've been hiding from her. Or putting the kids in danger.

Plants won't die from 4 days of inadequate water, so not even the plants were in danger. This is nuts.

Gud, she's being emotionally abusive to you, and if your daughter is picking up on your reaction, then she's also got to be picking up on the anger and other damaging emotions coming from your wife, and *that* isn't good for the kids. t edit [x-post with Aimee the Wise]

I know this is unbearably hard for you -- in fact, since I've never been married, I actually *don't* know how hard it is -- but the situation isn't healthy for you, Gud.

(((Gus))) I know we only hear your side on all

It really is one sided, and I tend to post about stuff when I just need to get something off my chest so it sounds worse than it really is. Maybe I'm just overreacting right now too, I'm just worried becuase things have been better and I don't want to slide back down.

Thanks everybody for the support and being willing to listen to me getting something off my chest.

My wife was away for four days at a conference, anyhow I apparently didn't water the plants well enough so I took a lot of flak. Now it looks like I need to work late to fix a mistake I made and when I told her that I got cold rage.

These things don't deserve cold rage.

Gud's feelings are more important than plant-life. Does that sound like a radical statement? If it does, then you're so far into the shit you can't see what's happening.

It's best to keep the hostility away from the kids, but that requires a commitment from both parents. Not stoicism from one.

I fell behind yet again, and had all sorts of things I wanted to mention. Important things like ~ma and punctuation and nifty ships and pr0n, and all sorts of stuff like that. Alas, I saw Raq’s picture with her new GORGEOUS haircut, and all I can say is WOWZA! Although I clearly say wowza with lots of extraneous letters.

And then I read Raq's more recent post, and it was the only thing that could drive her earlier post out of my mind. Ow. And ew.

It really is one sided, and I tend to post about stuff when I just need to get something off my chest so it sounds worse than it really is. Maybe I'm just overreacting right now too, I'm just worried becuase things have been better and I don't want to slide back down.

I think if I look back to posts from 8 months or so ago, I could find myself saying something like this. I'm not saying we are/were in the same situation - not remotely - but I will reiterate what one of Z's best friends said to me: there are many ways to be abused. Emotional abuse is just harder to see/feel/prove/get away from.

Not trying to dog-pile, though I know we are, but.... Well, you know, honey.

{{Gud}} does it help that I have learned a few things from your marriage? I tend to be very blunt and so I have been spending most of my married life trying to really say what I mean, and make sure it sounds the way I mean it. your reactions to what you wife says - and the fact that is doesn't seem to matter weather it is plants, groceries or a philisophical belief have re-enforced that idea. I will probbably always call DH evil for putting recycling in the garbage - but since he will probbably always put the soda can in the nearest recpatcle, it is a good way for me to be exsaperated, without it becoming a big deal. If it is a serious issue, I use serious words. And the second thing , if somethign is important to me I give very clear, very detailed instructions. Not because DH can't do it, but because it matters to me that something is done a particular way. and i do that as little as possible.

It is ok for your daughter to know you feel bad. Just as long as she knows it isn't her responsiblity to make things better.

Maybe I'm just overreacting right now too, I'm just worried becuase things have been better and I don't want to slide back down.

{{{Gud}}} I wish I could make this better for you. But what Aimee and Steph and David said was very wise -- *you* count. And if she's been away for four days, then you couldn't work late while she was gone -- it doesn't seem like a stretch that you would have to now.

Not trying to dog-pile, though I know we are

But it's a warm and loving and supportive and wanting only the best for you kind of dog-pile!!!

Which is always better than the steaming and stinking dog-pile.

and I tend to post about stuff when I just need to get something off my chest so it sounds worse than it really is.

It's just that she really reads as overreacting. Like cold fusion with side order of extra overreaction, hold the logic and nice please.

And you are an amazing father. Truly.

I say the heartfelt advice is amazing too. Sometimes blunt and to the point is very good.

I shall sit here being very pleased that I have invested Actual Venture Capital ($1.00) in Matt's Clue-By-Four proposal, because I like to imagine getting to use it sometimes.

Dear Mrs. Gud: Grrrrrr. No argh for you!