Okay, guys, I wasn't really convinced until now, but I am now confident that my mom is batshit. Fucking. INSANE.

I got the feeling my uncle was giving her the regular report on how I was doing when I got in the car. He had just finished up, and so he passed her off to me.

She started things off by telling me to buy my ticket to come home because the prices kept going up.

And then, without provocation, she started yelling me about having no common courtesy, how many times had she told me that if I borrow the car, I should fill up the tank (which, um, I had been doing), if someone does something for me, I should do something in return, how many times did she have to tell me, why wasn't I doing it? All she was hearing was complaints, never anything good. I kept saying I was an adult (which, um, I never actually say), but I wasn't acting like an adult; I was acting like a child.

And she didn't want to hear any of this "When I get a permanent position, I'm going to move out" business. The family wasn't some dirty, stinky people I had to get away from. I was not going to live on my own.

And then she told me I should just quit my job and move back home.

Yeah.

She'd let me live on my own in Michigan instead of coming back home, and that had been a mistake.

The entire time, I was pretty much rolling my eyes, hanging my mouth agape, and holding the phone away from my ear because she was so loud. My uncle finally took the phone and asked her why the hell she was yelling at me. So she hung up.

I explained to my uncle (my mom's brother) what she had said, and I cried and I cursed and I cried and I cursed and I cried and I cursed. He was just as baffled as I was because he had told her I was improving. He didn't care about the gas thing, don't worry about that. And the moving out thing was just ridiculous because as I've said before, I thought I had been pretty clear with everyone that that had been the plan all along. Hell, my dad himself had told me that was the plan. He had told my uncle that was the plan. Live with them for a few months until I found my own place. My uncle, having known my mom for longer than I had, was used to her brand of insanity.

He told me not to let it get to me and to let it go. There was much bigger stuff to worry about in life.

Later, I engaged in the wonderful therapy that is turning the radio way the hell up and singing your lungs out while driving.

Best wishes and ma to B, beth.

thanks , -t. Hopefully Matt can go up and see him tomorrow. I think the worst part of it all is that dad won't be able to bring him home. Because there is just n o way he can care for him and work full time.

Lots of ~ma to your friend, Beth.

All kinds of -ma to B and his family, beth.

Oh, PC. So your crazy Uncle is the *sane* part of your family. I'm reluctant to comment on the status of other people's sanity for reasons I hope are not overly obvious. But you are an amazing person to have survived your family as well as you have.

I now want to take pH indicators to Steph's sweaty body. In the interest of science.

Remember to fill out the proper forms to get approved by the DHS for the use of litmus paper.

Much ~ma for your friend and his family, Beth.

Oh, Beth, much ma to them. Also, if things don't improve, you might want to talk to Laura.

The golden-eyed boy is now known as Tzepesh, and green-eyes is Ruthven.

Or for short, Jet and Jack.

Steph! Did you know that Mattel is now selling a Play-doh perfume? You are so ahead of the times. Also maybe you should sue.

Tons of ~ma for your friend B and his family, beth.

P-C, I'm so sorry you have to go through that with your mother. Just keep in mind that you are a good person and that it behooves her to cut you down, so that she can (in her own mind) retain control of you by having to teach you how to be a good person. You know you are, your uncle knows you are. I dislike saying this because I know you don't want to cut yourself off from the rest of your family, but I think your mother needs a time out. A major time out, where once she realizes no one will see you if she doesn't back off, she may finally give up trying to manipulate you. Plus, can you talk to your dad? See if he and your brother would be interested in coming out to visit you? If they're concerned with cost, offer to buy one of the plane tickets. Seriously, your mother needs to learn to back the fuck off. Anway, I know this is totally unsolicited advice coming from me, but I just want you to have as many options open to you as possible. So, if something I say does help in any way, shape or form, I'll feel like I helped a little, even from a distance. Bunches of ~ma to you to help you through the trying times.