P-C, I have no advice for you. You are in a very difficult situation. Tons of ~ma for you.

Thanks. Do you have Jean Grey's hair yet?

Will you then be free?

I will be more of a disappointment than I already am!

I mean, you have a job now -- you're going to be working with women, sometimes one-on-one. Do they have a problem with that, too?

Heh. They've never mentioned it. "You know, Mom, about half of all people on the planet are women. It's statistically probable for me to run into them."

While he was in college (pre-arrangement) he made it his business to sleep with as many non-Indian women of varying ethnicities as he could. So, um, you could behave much worse and still end up being the dutiful son. Or something.

The best of both worlds!

No one thinks you should leave your family. No one even thinks you should get a spine. Which is what I think you're implying there.

Urm. Both those things have been said to me in previous discussions about this topic. I think even in here. But thanks for the solidarity.

You'll just flip her out by saying anything and draw too much attention to your social life, imo. If you fall in love, then it's important. (feeling very glad Controlling!Dad doesn't really get to make this decision)

Do you have Jean Grey's hair yet?

I wish, but no.

I mean, I *totally* understand that it's become your problem b/c their assumptions make you feel like everything you do is illegal, but YOU KNOW that you aren't seeking out a girlfriend. YOU KNOW that just because you're in the company of a woman, that doesn't make her your girlfriend, that you don't have any non-parentally-approved intentions toward her. (Or, at least, if you have those intentions, you don't act on them.)

I seem to recall from past conversations that it's not just their problem, because P-C does not want to sever relations with them or hurt them, does not want to lie to them, but does not want to let them control his life, which completes the circle, because were he to not live up to their standards, or were he to say, "Look, I love you and I want to remain close to you, but I gotta be me," doing so could very well jeopardize the relationship. P-C does not want that, and isn't averse to doing things their way, provided it works in practice, not just in theory. It's not fair, and sounds nearly impossible, but there's a whole set of cultural/familial traditions complications way above and beyond the usual overly involved parents-with-boundary-issues complications.

cries in Cindy's arms

P-C, re my above to Teppy, I didn't mean to speak around you there, and am not even sure what I'm remembering is correct. Basically, whenever this topic comes up, my brain remembers: This is an impossible situation and you're never going to untangle it, Cindy, and that's that.

hugs P-C

It is tempting to yell 'grow a spine' , but living in th bay area I've seen families where the dynamic is way more complicated than I understand. some of it is cultural. and some of it is that i grew up in a smart family with no rebels and nondramtic personalities. Of course, I was 5 or 6 when I told my dad that he would have nothing to do with picking out the person I was going to marry.

I seem to recall from past conversations that it's not just their problem....P-C does not want that, and isn't averse to doing things their way

All I meant was that, by assuming that any woman that P-C might be in proximity to is a girlfriend -- he hasn't done anything to make them think that. That makes it not his problem. If he was lying about his hot non-Gujarati girlfriend, that would be his problem.

But it seems like his family's assumptions that every woman he spends time with is a girlfriend doesn't do him any favors. It just makes him edgy and guilty about every friendship he might have with a woman. It shouldn't have to be that way.

I totally get that it's complex, and that I can't really understand entirely it b/c it *is* a very specific cultural issue.

But, since I'm talking about assumptions, P-C, I'm sorry if I'm making assumptions here that are (1) incorrect, (2) rude, (3) none of my business, and/or (4) all of the above. That's not my intention.

Adding to the fun is that a cousin of mine in India eloped with a lower-caste woman and was disowned for about a year, so my parents are scared of more scandal, and of course the fact that I'm the oldest child on my mom's side and thus have to set a good example for the kiddies.

I should probably do some work now.

It just makes him edgy and guilty about every friendship he might have with a woman. It shouldn't have to be that way.

No, it shouldn't. Although I'm actually pretty much edgy and guilty about everything I do.

But, since I'm talking about assumptions, P-C, I'm sorry if I'm making assumptions here that are (1) incorrect, (2) rude, (3) none of my business, and/or (4) all of the above. That's not my intention.

You're all right, Teppy. No worries. *hugs*

So, in the ever-exciting saga of Why Is Nora Always So Tired? my lab tests came back:

No mono, no diabetes, no anemia. Thyroid, kidney, liver, all functioning normally. Cholesterol = "excellent."

So, yay, and blah. Need a new exercise plan of attack. Yoga and belly dancing, perhaps.