That is exactly what will happen, beth. EXACTLY.

Bev, tooth~ma.

P-C, I have no advice for you. You are in a very difficult situation. Tons of ~ma for you.

That is exactly what will happen, beth. EXACTLY.

Will you then be free?

If I am seen within ten feet of a girl, she's assumed to be my girlfriend

That's not your problem, Sunil. It's your family's problem for making that assumption.

I mean, I *totally* understand that it's become your problem b/c their assumptions make you feel like everything you do is illegal, but YOU KNOW that you aren't seeking out a girlfriend. YOU KNOW that just because you're in the company of a woman, that doesn't make her your girlfriend, that you don't have any non-parentally-approved intentions toward her. (Or, at least, if you have those intentions, you don't act on them.)

I mean, you have a job now -- you're going to be working with women, sometimes one-on-one. Do they have a problem with that, too?

amych, I love your house. LOVE. It's gorgeous and I am quite jealous.

Sophia, how's your hand? I hope something works out for your cat, even if you can't take him back. What an awful situation to be in!

I've been pondering this for months now, and I still can't figure out how I'm going to decide between L.A., San Francisco, and Portland. How does one make these decisions? Help!

Well, I made a spreadsheet listing the cities I was thinking of moving to and ranking each one on qualities like availability of jobs and cost of living and weather, etc, then ranked those qualities in order of importance and did a weighted average to determine "objectively" where I should live. It came up SF Bay Area. Feel free to use my results.

I really liked Portland when I visited there - it seems like a well run and well laid out city. It does rain a lot, though, but that means a lot of green growing things, too. Which is nice if you like green growing things and not so nice if you are allergic to them, I guess. My brother-in-law bikes or transits pretty much everywhere (unless the whole family is going, but sometimes then, too). The economy is reported to be growing pretty quickly.

Check me out, I am completely failing to be helpful.

One year ago today I was moving into my house! It doesn't seem that long ago and at the same time it feels like this has been home forever

This is just wonderful to read. I'm so glad your house is a real home.

Hi, Margaret T. I think I've seen you de-lurking before, but in case I didn't say it then, welcome!

Tooth~ma, Beverly. Breaking a tooth on a burger shouldn't happen, is my gut feeling.

I don't know what you need to do about your mom and what you tell her, P-C. If you can find a way to have some freedom and not feel bad about misleading her and also not upset her, well, that would be great. I don't know if that's a possibility, though.

I feel like I should tell you about DH's coworker who has an arranged marriage. While he was in college (pre-arrangement) he made it his business to sleep with as many non-Indian women of varying ethnicities as he could. So, um, you could behave much worse and still end up being the dutiful son. Or something.

beth is very smart.

I am still living on Theraflu. My Mother-in-law leaves today. I am way past the length of time that I can spend with her and maintain pleasant relations. We are all lucky that I felt too bad to drive to Yosemite on Sunday and got that time to myself. And it's not that she's a bad person or mean-spirited at all. She's very nice and she always means well. She just irritates me. I like her much better when she's a couple thousand miles away.

I guess I should stop complaining about this shit. I don't really have a right to when I don't have the fortitude to leave my family or whatever.

Yes, you have the right to complain. No one thinks you should leave your family. No one even thinks you should get a spine. Which is what I think you're implying there. Family stuff is hard. Becoming a unique, individual adult is hard and takes forever. Getting your family to recognize that you've become said adult is almost impossible. You're not doing anything wrong, not with the kissage (imo) and most certainly not with the complaining/figuring things out/being yourself, either here or elsewhere.

My mother is a steamroller. The first time I was able to stand up to her and shrug off her feelings about it was this year. I'm almost 43. Just, um, throwing out that entirely embarrassing factoid to prove my solidarity.

P-C, I have no advice for you. You are in a very difficult situation. Tons of ~ma for you.

Thanks. Do you have Jean Grey's hair yet?

Will you then be free?

I will be more of a disappointment than I already am!

I mean, you have a job now -- you're going to be working with women, sometimes one-on-one. Do they have a problem with that, too?

Heh. They've never mentioned it. "You know, Mom, about half of all people on the planet are women. It's statistically probable for me to run into them."

While he was in college (pre-arrangement) he made it his business to sleep with as many non-Indian women of varying ethnicities as he could. So, um, you could behave much worse and still end up being the dutiful son. Or something.

The best of both worlds!

No one thinks you should leave your family. No one even thinks you should get a spine. Which is what I think you're implying there.

Urm. Both those things have been said to me in previous discussions about this topic. I think even in here. But thanks for the solidarity.

You'll just flip her out by saying anything and draw too much attention to your social life, imo. If you fall in love, then it's important. (feeling very glad Controlling!Dad doesn't really get to make this decision)

Do you have Jean Grey's hair yet?

I wish, but no.

I mean, I *totally* understand that it's become your problem b/c their assumptions make you feel like everything you do is illegal, but YOU KNOW that you aren't seeking out a girlfriend. YOU KNOW that just because you're in the company of a woman, that doesn't make her your girlfriend, that you don't have any non-parentally-approved intentions toward her. (Or, at least, if you have those intentions, you don't act on them.)

I seem to recall from past conversations that it's not just their problem, because P-C does not want to sever relations with them or hurt them, does not want to lie to them, but does not want to let them control his life, which completes the circle, because were he to not live up to their standards, or were he to say, "Look, I love you and I want to remain close to you, but I gotta be me," doing so could very well jeopardize the relationship. P-C does not want that, and isn't averse to doing things their way, provided it works in practice, not just in theory. It's not fair, and sounds nearly impossible, but there's a whole set of cultural/familial traditions complications way above and beyond the usual overly involved parents-with-boundary-issues complications.