Yay, sj! Another excuse not to work!

Happy to help! Thanks for the link.

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I wouldn't think of it as lying to parents, because, if it were me my assumption would be that it is none of my parents' business who I kiss, and I'd be fine and dandy telling them that my thrice-kissed lips and the rest of me were A-OK. And I am a shitty liar.

But it's different for you. You're not ostensibly on the arranged marriage track, and you haven't gone ahead and given your mom the impression that you're heeding her restrictions because you're extremely non-confrontational and you don't want to unleash some scandal that will defile the family name.

I guess I should stop complaining about this shit. I don't really have a right to when I don't have the fortitude to leave my family or whatever.

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I am at work and feel like I have accomplished all I want to just by showing up. This is not good.

You too? Felt crappy all weekend (stuffed up plus tired), slept like crap last night, and I almost called in sick today (if it wasn't the day after a holiday and if I wasn't feeling stir-crazy in my place I would have). It's sad when you go to work because you don't feel up to doing anything else, but you want to do SOMETHING.

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This is me, also. Though I stayed home from work today due to feeling like extreme crap.

Sister! How sad that we feel so much better and yet still so much like cat puke.

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I think if you tell her when you are seriously interested in someone, that's enough.

Yeah. I'm just afraid of that happening with someone non-Indian.

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It is true, it's different for me (I'd thought about putting that disclaimer in my post, but then felt it was obvious).

But there is a difference between confessing a taboo relationship and kissing people. I don't know anything about the arranged marriage track, but I'd assume that folks on it probably have been fooling around before the marriages go through (my only basis for this assumption is my mom dating/fooling around with Indian dudes before they and she got married to their intended, and in their cases, it was arranged).

But even with the arranged marriage issue, which is obviously a tough thing you're working out now, there is still such a thing as boundaries and autonomy and stuff. Just because you (may) marry someone of your family's choosing doesn't mean that your mother is your confessor of all deeds and thoughts in your brain. If you elope in Vegas and don't come clean, well, yes, there's a conflict with the arranged marriage thing. Otherwise- and I may just not get the cultural thing here, and I apologize if this is the case- I think you can let go of the kissage guilt. (Your Mother and Other Issues May Vary, of course)

Having autonomy/boundaries and dealing with the arranged marriage question/issue are two distinct issues, IMO. Of course, it's your opinion that matters, this is just an outsider's perspective.

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Cereal to add: remembering my mom's non-dad kissing history has BUMMED ME OUT.

(she can have one, sure, but I'm wishing I hadn't had THOSE memories resurface. See what I do for the P-C!?!?!)

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I guess I should stop complaining about this shit. I don't really have a right to when I don't have the fortitude to leave my family or whatever.

Don't be silly. That's a tough decision to make, and I think it's wonderful that you love your family. But relationships always work two ways -- it has to be a balance of what you're comfortable with and what they want, and vice versa.

Kissing, as Nora said, doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but if it is for you, maybe you need to talk to your mom again.

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Honestly, P-C I understand what you are saying, but as far as I can tell , you aren't really doing anythign against arrange marriage either. You are learning what you like. Even if you go with an arranged marriage ( and I know some very successful ones) I think the chances of you haveing a successful marriage are greater if you have done a little bit more exploreing all kinds of relationships with people. Besides, even if your family came up with perfect canidate, you are a few years ( or more) from being ready for marriage. remember, all kinds of families have problems rangeing form minor to major with their kids being married. Just stick to one or two points - that you can really mean ( like mom, I'd be happy to meet ms. X , but remember , I can't even afford an aptarment yet- so it will be a few years befor I gert married) , don't worry about her hopes, and just go with it.

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See what I do for the P-C!?!?!)

I'm sorry, Nora. *hugs*

I, too, have heard tales of folks fooling around before their arranged marriages, but it's been very illicit. Girlfriends are a no-no. If I am seen within ten feet of a girl, she's assumed to be my girlfriend (no, really, there was all this behind-my-back suspicion going on a couple years ago when my uncle picked me up and saw me with a girl (in addition to a boy, but: GIRL!)). When you're under this kind of scrutiny, everything feels illegal.

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