"yes, Mom, yes, Mom" seems more do-able than "Mom, this is really none of your business."
I said I'm sorry. I've made mistakes, but fear was never one of them.
Lilah ,'Conviction (1)'
Spike's Bitches 30: Going on Thirteen
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Trudy Booth - May 30, 2006 7:15:31 am PDT #6682 of 10002
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
Scrappy - May 30, 2006 7:15:32 am PDT #6683 of 10002
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
I don't know, Sunil. Once I started dating, I didn't lie to my parents so much as not tell them everything. They didn't need to know every person I spoke to or flirted with or kissed--and it really wasn't their business. I think if you tell her when you are seriously interested in someone, that's enough.
ETA: Or what everyone else said while I was typing htis post, only they did it better.
sj - May 30, 2006 7:20:40 am PDT #6684 of 10002
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
Yay, sj! Another excuse not to work!
Happy to help! Thanks for the link.
Polter-Cow - May 30, 2006 7:26:16 am PDT #6685 of 10002
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
I wouldn't think of it as lying to parents, because, if it were me my assumption would be that it is none of my parents' business who I kiss, and I'd be fine and dandy telling them that my thrice-kissed lips and the rest of me were A-OK. And I am a shitty liar.
But it's different for you. You're not ostensibly on the arranged marriage track, and you haven't gone ahead and given your mom the impression that you're heeding her restrictions because you're extremely non-confrontational and you don't want to unleash some scandal that will defile the family name.
I guess I should stop complaining about this shit. I don't really have a right to when I don't have the fortitude to leave my family or whatever.
Frankenbuddha - May 30, 2006 7:28:04 am PDT #6686 of 10002
"We are the Goon Squad and we're coming to town...Beep! Beep!" - David Bowie, "Fashion"
I am at work and feel like I have accomplished all I want to just by showing up. This is not good.
You too? Felt crappy all weekend (stuffed up plus tired), slept like crap last night, and I almost called in sick today (if it wasn't the day after a holiday and if I wasn't feeling stir-crazy in my place I would have). It's sad when you go to work because you don't feel up to doing anything else, but you want to do SOMETHING.
Cass - May 30, 2006 7:29:21 am PDT #6687 of 10002
Bob's learned to live with tragedy, but he knows that this tragedy is one that won't ever leave him or get better.
This is me, also. Though I stayed home from work today due to feeling like extreme crap.Sister! How sad that we feel so much better and yet still so much like cat puke.
Polter-Cow - May 30, 2006 7:32:33 am PDT #6688 of 10002
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
I think if you tell her when you are seriously interested in someone, that's enough.
Yeah. I'm just afraid of that happening with someone non-Indian.
Nora Deirdre - May 30, 2006 7:33:46 am PDT #6689 of 10002
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)
It is true, it's different for me (I'd thought about putting that disclaimer in my post, but then felt it was obvious).
But there is a difference between confessing a taboo relationship and kissing people. I don't know anything about the arranged marriage track, but I'd assume that folks on it probably have been fooling around before the marriages go through (my only basis for this assumption is my mom dating/fooling around with Indian dudes before they and she got married to their intended, and in their cases, it was arranged).
But even with the arranged marriage issue, which is obviously a tough thing you're working out now, there is still such a thing as boundaries and autonomy and stuff. Just because you (may) marry someone of your family's choosing doesn't mean that your mother is your confessor of all deeds and thoughts in your brain. If you elope in Vegas and don't come clean, well, yes, there's a conflict with the arranged marriage thing. Otherwise- and I may just not get the cultural thing here, and I apologize if this is the case- I think you can let go of the kissage guilt. (Your Mother and Other Issues May Vary, of course)
Having autonomy/boundaries and dealing with the arranged marriage question/issue are two distinct issues, IMO. Of course, it's your opinion that matters, this is just an outsider's perspective.
Nora Deirdre - May 30, 2006 7:35:30 am PDT #6690 of 10002
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)
Cereal to add: remembering my mom's non-dad kissing history has BUMMED ME OUT.
(she can have one, sure, but I'm wishing I hadn't had THOSE memories resurface. See what I do for the P-C!?!?!)
Amy - May 30, 2006 7:41:22 am PDT #6691 of 10002
Because books.
I guess I should stop complaining about this shit. I don't really have a right to when I don't have the fortitude to leave my family or whatever.
Don't be silly. That's a tough decision to make, and I think it's wonderful that you love your family. But relationships always work two ways -- it has to be a balance of what you're comfortable with and what they want, and vice versa.
Kissing, as Nora said, doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but if it is for you, maybe you need to talk to your mom again.