OK, OK, I'll do it myself. Stupid identity stealers.

ALTHOUGH, a friend of mine told me last night that someone in Australia stole $3K OUT OF HER CHECKING ACCOUNT. See, to me that's way worse (even though she did get the money back quickly) -- someone stealing from companies pretending to be me sucks, but at least they aren't stealing my actual money.

Billytea has turned into kind of a swank dresser recently, hasn't he? And all those penguins he's been ordering...

I convinced myself that the Survivor promos had to be old footage, because could they really be that stupid to end on a cliffhanger and then reveal the winner? Maybe they could.

Definitely new footage.

OK, OK, I'll do it myself.

So you're saying you don't trust Aimée?

ALTHOUGH, a friend of mine told me last night that someone in Australia stole $3K OUT OF HER CHECKING ACCOUNT.

Wow. That sucks. Worst I've ever had to do was cancel a debit card over two charges that amounted to about $80.

>I feel like such an utter fucking alien in my own country

Nothing new here, have felt that way since November 04.

I've felt that way since George McGovern lost every state but DC and Mass back in November of 1972.

So you're saying you don't trust Aimée?

I cannot tell you how much I would love to leave this to Aimee! Somehow I don't think she can get all the notarized shit I need.

I have a notary in my office.

When my wallet was stolen, the stealer put $2000 on one credit card, $1800 on another, and emptied my checking account (with my debit card). In an afternoon! Gift certificates seem to be the way to go, stolen-wallet-wise.

(I didn't end up being liable for any of it, and one of the credit card companies tried to call me at home while the fraud was happening, but didn't actually deny any of the purchases as they were happening.)

Of course, I get into work this morning and discover somebody else had her wallet stolen on my floor. (My theft was 2 years ago.) Sheesh! And you have to make a big specific request to be able to lock your desk drawers. Of course the thieves like us!

My sister was bit by a notary once.

(It's a Buffista rule that someone must make that joke at least once a week.)

Will they notarize your signing my name? That would rock.

Now I get to hate Sprint, too -- I couldn't even get anyone on the phone. I have to mail them a notarized form and include my leases for the past three years before they'll even start looking at this. SO PISSED. I really do not have time for this shit.

I have a notary in my office.

Better call the exterminator then - they breed like roaches.