Oh, PS -- I think the Brazilian thing is the same as the schoolgirl thing, really.

I think the Brazilian thing is the same as the schoolgirl thing, really.

Somehow, when you get to the genitalia, it becomes exponentially ickier.

I should get some rage.

I have about the same level of ick for either, I think, because I can almost be convinced that the naked-snatch thing isn't just about looking like a kid.

Did you start on both simultaneously or one and then the other was added? The reason I'm asking is that celexa has been working for me as far as making me more able to let things roll off my back. Catalysts for rage and extreme depression aren't quite as easy to find as they were before. However, I'm still having motivation problems on occasion. My shrink doubled me on the celexa and then I had that month-long period of headaches, so we went back down. He was suggesting wellbutrin as the next step to solve the mopeyness but he never suggesteed a combo.

I'm sorry to hear it's not working as well for you.

I can almost be convinced that the naked-snatch thing isn't just about looking like a kid.

It does change sensation considerably.

And it doesn't look that much like a kid -- the shape changes considerably at puberty.

I first got turned on to 43things.com about a year ago, think. Didn't do anything with it. I rediscovered it today and got totally sucked over the event horizon.

I was on just the Celexa at first. But I couldn't write at all, had trouble doing anything creative, even passively. Reading, listening to music, it all went stale. So I told my doctor I'd rather go back to wishing I was dead than to not feel anything at all. It was all the hollowness of depression, without the achey feeling at the core that at least allowed me to outlet the excess into something arty.

That's when he mentioned that patients who have careers/hobbies in the arts/creative fields also describe that hollowness. Um. Thanks for that, doc.

So then he prescribed the Wellbutrin, which is supposed to be energizing, but just makes me feel outwardly crazy instead of inwardly crazy. Outward is worse, because then other people know.

I've been thinking about going cold turkey on meds to finish the book, but I've heard that's a bad idea, so I have an appointment to talk to him about the med problems.

Most helpful has been actual therapy. I've had this since I was a little girl, when I'd suddenly feel horribly sad in grade school and start to sob uncontrollably periodically and without any outside stressor to ping me.

So I'm sort of arthritic in the emotional health department, and have been learning how to untwist the joints in my brain. It's like physical therapy for an injury, sort of, in that it hurts like a bastard for a few hours and then I have a bit more peace.

But yeah, the meds are bullshit to me. Honestly, though, I have to quiz the people around me like they're all at an eye exam.

"My craziness: better, or worse?"

Do you ever look back at a post and think, "Did I just say that shit in public?"

Every day, Allyson.

Just recently, actually.