Bob is in an improv class right now with some guy who says he married into a family of ninjas. He claims that because his sister-in-law is ninja, she can't use recipes, and therefore, her cooking is atrocious. Bob believed the story at the time. But now I kind of doubt the whole thing. But what do people think of the idea that if you are a ninja, you can't cook by a recipe?

I just think this guy has too many outlandish stories. I mean, it's one thing if you married into a family of ninjas and they have a fued with Stephen Hayes; but if the next week you're talking about how your (ninja!) wife paints the bathroom while on Ambien, I think you read too much.

MUTANT turtles.

Still doesn't make them mammals.

Do the mutant turtles get lethargic in cold weather? Do they prefer to warm themselves in the sun before going on a mission? Do they lay eggs?

You're reaching, sweetie. They are turtled, just mutant.

I have my own koolaid, right here.

if you are a ninja, you can't cook by a recipe

I'd say poppycock, but maybe she'd flip out and kill me.

It sounds like crap--I've never heard anything about ninjutsu that avoids recipes.

But what do people think of the idea that if you are a ninja, you can't cook by a recipe?

I call BS. What are their secret scrolls of techniques if not recipes for death?

You're reaching, sweetie. They are turtled, just mutant.

Mutant: An individual, organism, or new genetic character arising or resulting from mutation.

If I posit it's possible that they have fur or nipples or warm blood or live births, WHO ARE YOU TO CONTRADICT ME?

The first mammal was just a mutant, after all. It could happen again.

It sounds like crap--I've never heard anything about ninjutsu that avoids recipes.

Right? Every week Bob is in this class and they all have to tell a story. Three of like four weeks Bob comes home and must relate the stories that come from that guy. No other stories are that interesting. So I think he's maybe some kind of fabulist (or, you know, an...improvisor), but the cooking is the only thing I can fact-check from here.

From my vast study of the species(1), I have determined their dominant DNA is turturlian.

1. Weekday morning cartoons and my brother's action figures

or, you know, an...improvisor

The Official Ninja Homepage tells me, right after the fact that ninjas are mammals, that ninjas fight ALL the time. This makes me doubt the cooking part of that story as much as the no-recipes part. How does cooking fit in with fighting ALL the time?!?!?