Hahaha:

Those opposed to the bill include the following:

(a) National Association of “AA” Battery Manufacturers.

(b) National Association of “D” Battery Manufacturers.

I think sarameg just won the ewwww link award for the week.

Sorry ita.

Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus?

People often ask me when they should teach the Good News to their housecats. I have but one answer: "What are you waiting for?"

A pet is a beloved part of your family, and as a Christian, you should do everything you can to guarantee that this valued member of your family receives the glorious eternal reward for which Christ gave His very life. Think of the alternative: your cat mired in darkness for eternity because you put off a 10-minute conversation.

...

Kittens' hearts, at birth, are filled with what theologians call "original mischief." Mischief, if left to grow on its own, can sprout into evil. That's why you must fill their hearts with Jesus instead. If you wait, your cats might find seductive role models among the back-alley strays and rough felines from the wrong side of town. You could also end up with an unwanted pregnancy.

...

A lot of people say, "Oh, but Whiskers doesn't even answer to his name yet." They raise a good point: Sometimes you have to teach your cat at its own level. If you give your cat a rubber Jesus to play with, it will sense that there's more to this toy. If you give it a scratching cross, it will contemplate Christ's love and ultimate sacrifice while it stretches and sharpens its claws. I myself have put an image of Jesus at the bottom of my cats' food bowls. That way, when they finish their food, the face of He who provided it is revealed unto them.

Huh. HR just sent out an all-desks email about bird flu, basically saying "The management hopes none of you get bird flu, especially those of you who are reporters covering bird flu for us in affected countries." Least helpful all-desks email ever!

If you give your cat a rubber Jesus to play with, it will sense that there's more to this toy. If you give it a scratching cross, it will contemplate Christ's love and ultimate sacrifice while it stretches and sharpens its claws.

To me, this reads like instructions on how to train your cat to attack the Pope.

Sorry ita.

My links are nothing but informational, and do not contain information about food products. I do not aspire to the eww--it's bestowed upon me by those who aren't sophisticated enough to appreciate what I share.

That was informational! Or at least seeking information! I wanted to know why.

Oh, and this. Also, this.

Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus?

WTF?????

Okay, I've had some wierd experiences where Christians who don't believe animals have souls exhibit some strange or inconsiderate behavoir, including my own BiL mercilessly mocking a Hindu for getting upset over someone killing a bee (his mocking of the woman still bothers me to this day).

But this? This totally tops all that.

That's why it is on the Onion website?