No, lack of trying is part of the problem.

I'm sorry, Gud. You're right about getting only one side of the story, but it's hard to understand that -- the kind of father you are, the work you put into the house and into the "team" aspect of family life, is really wonderful. If the problem is, deep down, that you're not in love anymore, then you have to address that. But I still hate to think of you believing yourself to be a bad person or a failure.

Whatever you need, just yell. And *do* try to take care of yourself through this. It's important.

{{{{{Gud}}}}}

I got nothing else, just love and support. For what that's worth. Banana?

(I try to feed people to take care of them, but all I have are bland foods right now. So, banana?)

No, lack of trying is part of the problem. I've done a lot of taking care of kids, helping her in her projects, trying to keep up on the house, but not so good in the romance department.

I don't mean to be unfair to your wife, but how hard has *she* been trying in the romance department? "It takes two" is a cliche for a reason.

Oh, Gud, I'm so sorry. Here's hoping it works out for the best possible scenario.

I think my professor gave me his pneumonia. I just got back (an hour ago?) from the morning drive back to Berea, and luckily the roads were clear and I made it back without any problems. But I have class in half an hour, and boy am I tired and not wanting to go. But it is the second week of class. But I have a head cold. But, but, but.

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much, Gud. I hope everything works out for the best for everyone involved. {{{{ }}}}}

vw & sj - Health~ma and no more pain~ma to the both of you. And sj, I agree with Plei that you should type up a letter of complaint for both HR and the ADA as soon as you can. The way they've treated you is bs.

Yay for Ellie standing! Boo for owies but I'm glad it was a simple owie.

Juliana, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.

ADA letters go to the DOJ, fyi.

Gud, I agree that it's probably premature to hash out the details here (although we're here when you're ready.) However, it is VITAL that you not let your guilt guide you in the early stages of the divorce. You can easily be guilt-tripped into giving up things that you and the kids need for mental health. For instance, this is not the moment to decide who's the better parent and therefore who gets temporary custody. This is not the moment to tell her that it's all your fault, because that *will* be used against you.

I know that you feel responsible, but as you separate, your feelings will develop and change. Don't do anything now that locks you into your current state of sorrow and guilt.

You have my sympathies, ~ma for getting through this, and one small bit of practical advice, Gud:

Get a notebook and write down incidents in which that woman was not patient and kind to you, or to the kids. Starting with the very upset about you forgetting to get her chocolate. Write down the date and time, and what was said and done. If you cannot remember past events clearly, just make notes from now on (though searching the thread may jog your memory enough to make good entries on past incidents). This may sound petty, but it will help back up your side of the story.

Okay. Crap. My Dad just called -- he's in the hospital for entirely non-cardiac-related reasons. He's had a lot of bad stomach pain for the past few weeks, but an endoscopy showed nothing out of the ordinary, and he hasn't had a fever of any sort. Except last night he apparently spiked a fever of 104, so he went to the hospital today (drove himself, as per usual). I'm afraid it could be peritonitis or some other nasty inflammatory-related disease.

Shit. Cardiac stuff doesn't even faze me any more, but this has me worried.

I'm headed over to the hospital -- will update later. Any general good health vibes sent his way would be massively appreciated.

Fuck. I'm actually really REALLY worried.

Vibing hard for your Dad, Steph.

Gud, I'm so sorry.

No, lack of trying is part of the problem. I've done a lot of taking care of kids, helping her in her projects, trying to keep up on the house, but not so good in the romance department. I don't think my heart was in it or has been for awhile.

I think - and I hope I'm not overstepping here - but just from what we've heard from you over the years, that this is maybe true on both sides. It seems like the two of you have grown in very different directions, and maybe aren't able to be what each other needs in a partner anymore. I don't know what the next step is, but something that allows you both a little space to accept that, and hopefully allow her to get past some of the anger and you to get past some of the guilt. A way to stop hurting each other. I hate to say it, but maybe you can't do that while still trying to stay married.

Whatever happens, I hope it resolves itself into something easier and less painful for you both, and for your wonderful kids.