If this was an accident, I feel sort of badly for him that he's even gotten detention.

He may be being punished for creating a situation where the accident happened. For example, if a kid is running with scissors, and happens to cut someone completely by accident, he's punished for running with scissors, not the cutting.

Heh. Just got a visual of Richard Pryor's bit: "Now just relax while I kickstart this thing. VRMMMMMMMMM!"

This made me literally snort water through my nose just now, and seeing as how the water is carbonated, I now have nose pain thanks to Hec (and Richard Pryor).

Sports probably help TEACH impulse control. (Though I can certainly understand the "you don't get to do the thing you like if you do ______" approach)

Maybe a whole bunch of structure? Some of it even silly? The military loves that approach.

"You knocked your sister over, drop and give me twenty"

Gris, ADD definitely can interfere with sexual response, as can any number of medications. It can also make it difficult for her to make connections and express clearly what sensations would be pleasurable. Gershwin Girl might do well to take this up with her doctor, or a specialist, should she have an opportunity.

MG, I'd like to chime in on the side of allowing the baseball, at least provisionally. There has to be some way of teaching him better ways to think clearly in the heat of the moment. I bet when he is calm, he knows all too well that there are serious consequenses to screwing up, and he lives in fear knowing that his next screw-up could happen at any time.

I think a lot of young women cause themselves stress by being so goal-oriented about orgasms.

I think this is a useful point too. She's not trying to learn how to have orgasms, she's trying to learn how her body responds and feels. That should be more the focus I think.

My internal response to Teppy's pain nose is this: hee hee.

Yes, Windsparrow. You have CJ down to a t.

He is a good kid at heart. Which is what makes the rest of this so frustrating.

My internal response to Teppy's pain nose is this: hee hee.

You mock my pain. Now I weep.

Hold me closer, tiny fencer....

My exact thought!

Gris, you are indeed a most excellent boyfriend. Gershwin Girl's response pattern sounds a lot like my own when I was in my early 20s, whipsawing from 0 to overstimulated to STOP STOP STOP IT HURTS in about eleven seconds. Weirdly, one thing that helped me relax and get to orgasm-having was letting go of the need for orgasm; my body was so sexually ferwonky and I was so over-thinky that I constantly got in my own way.

I was really, really lucky to have a much more experienced, very patient lover who was willing to both talk and play, and who helped me guide myself away from the thinkiness and anxiety. The thing that finally got me there was training myself to not think about coming at all: it might never happen, I might never be able to, and worrying about it was doing nothing but spoiling the pleasures I was feeling right that moment. Even if I never came once in my whole life, I knew that I did enjoy cuddling and petting and oral sex; the more I disengaged my mind from the great big thing they weren't, the more I was able to be present and attentive to the small enjoyable things they were.

For me, it was all about shutting all the what-next? voices up, shutting down the competitive plotty/planny analysis-driven wordy brain. Which was terrifying for me, as someone who'd lived almost entirely inside her brain up to then and didn't value much about herself besides that brain. The un-wordy lizard brain pleasures (especially the ferocity of the brink-of-overstimulation sensation) can be totally unnerving; it really is a little death, and if you've never been there it's hard to believe you can come back from it. Or it was for me, anyhow. The whole process was a huge leap into darkness for me.

It sounds like you're both on the right track and lucky to have each other.

Gris:

I am with the people that say take away the goal - What I have found is that my body changes day to day on what feels good and what doesn't. And Everything is a factor. My body seems much more stable in my 40's But it doesn't matter, sex is pleasurable with or without an orgasm. Here is something to try when things seem close - move away to a more indirect method of stimulation - whole hand over the area, for example- and after a bit go back. If nothing else, doing this will help her learn what the signs are for her when too much is too much. or more is better. and - I don't know if I need to say this - but make sure some of the times you see her are low physical contact. Give her some room or space. But then again, that may have been my issue.

I thinking , myabe what cj needs is more activity. maybe running to get in shape for baseball season . He has to fill his time someway without his stuff. CJ seemed pretty normal to me, actually clamer than lots of kids I see in the library on a daily basis. and I think most of them would be good kids if they just ran around the library three times before they came in to sit for a bunch more hours at the library. Is he interested in doing better at baseball? Also, it might be time for him to choose his punishment This is 2 incident s in a short period of time, and he doesn't like doing it. Possibly by choseing the punishment ( and or reward if goes x with out it ) he can start seeing that he is solely responsible for his actions. You know him better.