Gris, I think Sean's point is useful. It's really not uncommon for a woman in her early 20s to have trouble reaching an orgasm. From my experience, many women need to learn/explore their sexuality in a way that tends to be more complex than what men experience. (Not for all women, of course. Some know it immediately.)

But I've known a number of women who had to learn how to let their body go, explore a number of things to find out what worked for them, to learn how to let the orgasm build.

And even aside from the issue of orgasms, I think this is often true for young women and their sexuality. That there's a slower, more involved process in learning and knowing their body.

The good news is, this is an invitation to explore. I would definitely recommend trying to go slower with clitoral stimulation if she's getting an overamped response. The trick is that she needs to find and hold onto the thread of that desire as you're unwinding it slowly. This is one way you can help her learn her body. If she's open to it, you might also want to talk to her about her fantasies. And then...tongues, fingers and/or vibrators in new places. Heh. Just got a visual of Richard Pryor's bit: "Now just relax while I kickstart this thing. VRMMMMMMMMM!"

I'm trying to convince her to try, sometimes.

I really do think it might help, although it's obviously something only she can decide to do. There are all kinds of benefits -- not just a self-esteemy sense of comfort with her body, but stronger physical responses (it's conditioning, yo!), and knowing in more detail what she's feeling -- so that even if she's not able to articulate these things just yet, she can at least feel when she's approaching that losing-interest point and adjust positions, guide you, do something about the situation herself, etc. If she's not even familiar with the feeling, all she can do is, umm, receive without even having the tools for good feedback.

I wish I had advice to offer Gris, but the basics seem to be covered above. I commend you for wanting and caring about this. That should be a big turn-on on its own.

Go vw. See, we had faith in you!!!

As for CJ. I don't know if it was an accident or not yet. Will find out more this afternoon. While I would hate for this to be a big deal over an accident, he still needs to be responsible for the results of his actions, whether they were the intended result or not.

I really don't want to use baseball as a punishment. I think the team spirit and the activity have many more benefits. I'm just grasping at straws.

And if today wasn't fun enough, I just spent 30 minutes talking with my program manager about the whole hourly/salaried thing. It was not the most pleasant conversation, but I think I held my own. He want me on the contract and all that...but if I'm salaried then work has to shift and I'll have to hussle for other work. It is more complicated than that, but that is the basics.

Current status is I got the $ and the status change is on hold until the end of the first quarter. Fine, whatever. But apparently "someone" is pushing for the change cause I am going to sue if I don't get the status change by April 1st. That was news to me. Honestly - at this point, I really don't care how I charge my time or how I'm classified. I just want my name to be out of this. When/if they change everyone in my position, then change me to - but until then, just drop it.

I think a lot of young women cause themselves stress by being so goal-oriented about orgasms.

Just do stuff that feels nice. Stop stuff that isnt. Enjoy what is happening because that is what matters. Orgasms are great and fun but they're not the only good-feeling thing about sex.

If this was an accident, I feel sort of badly for him that he's even gotten detention.

He may be being punished for creating a situation where the accident happened. For example, if a kid is running with scissors, and happens to cut someone completely by accident, he's punished for running with scissors, not the cutting.

Heh. Just got a visual of Richard Pryor's bit: "Now just relax while I kickstart this thing. VRMMMMMMMMM!"

This made me literally snort water through my nose just now, and seeing as how the water is carbonated, I now have nose pain thanks to Hec (and Richard Pryor).

Sports probably help TEACH impulse control. (Though I can certainly understand the "you don't get to do the thing you like if you do ______" approach)

Maybe a whole bunch of structure? Some of it even silly? The military loves that approach.

"You knocked your sister over, drop and give me twenty"

Gris, ADD definitely can interfere with sexual response, as can any number of medications. It can also make it difficult for her to make connections and express clearly what sensations would be pleasurable. Gershwin Girl might do well to take this up with her doctor, or a specialist, should she have an opportunity.

MG, I'd like to chime in on the side of allowing the baseball, at least provisionally. There has to be some way of teaching him better ways to think clearly in the heat of the moment. I bet when he is calm, he knows all too well that there are serious consequenses to screwing up, and he lives in fear knowing that his next screw-up could happen at any time.

I think a lot of young women cause themselves stress by being so goal-oriented about orgasms.

I think this is a useful point too. She's not trying to learn how to have orgasms, she's trying to learn how her body responds and feels. That should be more the focus I think.

My internal response to Teppy's pain nose is this: hee hee.

Yes, Windsparrow. You have CJ down to a t.

He is a good kid at heart. Which is what makes the rest of this so frustrating.