What they said Teppy. The "doctor knows best" feeling is widespread. Going back to bed would feel like a good option.

I'm going to keep thinking about that because if we are born with inner divinity could it be possible I was born to be a pissed-off smart-aleck?

He did indeed note that greed and violence were part of human nature. I did feel bad that in his 50 years or so of Zen practice it took George W to push him to fall into such an anger zone. Angry hatred spewing words coming from this gentle man sitting peacefully in lotus pose was quite startling. It was understandable though because that man in Washington brings out the worst emotions in me too.

I think about making a Zapruder film of him. And when I say I'm an angry person, I mean more like "you asshole" than wanna-be assassin. I'm not like that! But he tries me, and I'm not violent, despite certain violent preoccupations in the art I prefer, and also despite the fact that I'm not "Carry the ants outside," nonviolent.

Lisah, as luck would have it Miss Cass and I have been batting such comments back and forth for some time. I'm trying to remember the one about 'cooking the corner and making it a straightaway like zinardi' and sometimes you go high, sometimes you go low, sometimes you go over _____'s nose".

I think you should call it "The Hero of Canton, the Man They Call Helio!Castr-r-r-roneves."

But he tries me, and I'm not violent, despite certain violent preoccupations in the art I prefer, and also despite the fact that I'm not "Carry the ants outside," nonviolent.

Hee.
"No, my child, do not kill them. Carry the ants outside."
"But why, Sensei?"
"Because that's where I have that mofo buried up to his neck wearing a honey face mask."

One of my happiest memories evah is being curled up with billytea and kristin and cass watching a race.

Teppy, without knowing how the doctor put everything to her, and without knowing the realities of your grandfather's cancer, it sounds like the doctor gave your aunt information but not guidance, and she chose what I would think of as badly, given your grandfather's age and senility. I wouldn't want to make that choice. I think you're doing the right thing going down to have dinner with your aunt. I also think you need to take care of you, and since you didn't feel the desire to take on the responsibility of staying the night with your grandfather, I am so proud of you that you didn't let guilt rule over your common sense, and martyr yourself.

It seems to me cancer treatment choices aren't always that linear, either. Years ago, my uncle was dying of cancer--metastasized lung cancer that had spread to his liver before it was found. He fought it for a while, but when it became clear the chemo wasn't working, he came to terms with it, and abandoned treatment.

He ended up in the hospital at one point, after he had decided for himself that he didn't want anything but pallative care. They found the cancer was spreading to his brain. He ended up having radiation, even though he didn't want to prolong his life, and only wanted pallative care, because if he didn't, he would have had all sorts of horrible things (seizures, etc.) from the cancer that had spread to his brain.

It might be all your aunt was presented with was shitty choices.

One of my happiest memories evah is being curled up with billytea and kristin and cass watching a race.

See, and one of my happiest memories is watching Singing in the Rain at Kristin's when we heard the call of the wild, and the call was "AAAAGH!! POSSUM!!!"

Skin cancer sites are not helping. they won't give me any idea of spread time, pain levels , etc. I am going to have to make a list of question to start asking the docotrs when I hit my mid 80's. As long as there is little pain and no disfigurement ( everyone deserves a nose) , there are lots of questions that need to be asked. sending healing ma ~~~ and calm ma~~ to granfather

I. THOUGHT. IT. WAS. IN. THE. HOUSE.

You get rabies shots, man, and not be a little shell-shocked.

See, and one of my happiest memories is watching Singing in the Rain at Kristin's when we heard the call of the wild, and the call was "AAAAGH!! POSSUM!!!"

OMG, funny. I'd forgotten about you getting up close and personal with the bat, trudes.

Last night, a friend who called after I was home from the hospital and got to hear the whole saga suggested that Grandpa might be more settled if he had something familiar from home, since his dementia is so advanced that he has no idea where he is. I was thinking maybe a blanket or something.

So I told mom, who passed the idea along to caretaker!aunt, who thinks it's a good idea and is taking a photo that Grandpa really likes of he and Grandma. I hope it helps, even a little.

Mom also told me that if it were her in the hospital, she would have asked for a yard gnome.