Natter 41: Why Do I Click on ita's Links?!
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
I'd like a guy to not tell me he's busy. I'd like him to tell me he has a girlfriend, or that he doesn't want to see me anymore anyway. I don't like being lied to.
Robin, I'm thinking of a scenario where you like two guys, and would definitely give guy B a shot relationship wise, but guy A has a certain elan that means you (regretfully, but also not) pick him to have a go with instead.
You and guy B might have had a long and rewarding relationship together, if A hadn't been around at this pre-commitment stage. That doesn't count as "not working" in my book. Not that that'd be any consolation to B.
I can't be bothered to care about meeting someone much less dating.
Less than I can be bothered to care? Seems statistically unlikely.
we can have a not care off. You think about this stuff, me, not so much anymore. You are interested in flirting, me, not so much.
You think about this stuff, me, not so much anymore.
Aha. You have an anymore. I've never thought about this stuff. I've never
done
this stuff, for the most part. I look around at other people who take the existence of love and relationships -- well, not for granted, but have a sense through experience of how they fit into people's lives.
I've never been in love. I've never dated anyone without knowing exactly when it's due to be over.
Flirting, I'll cop to. I've done a lot of that. Never with a relationship as an end goal, though. And in fact, since I've only ever had the one...it's not like it was a coincidental result.
I have flirted my way into bed (and left right after) or flirted my way into friendships. But I'm not asking questions about friendships or casual sex. I understand those.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Brick.
Go out with the one who isn't making you cry
That's a good advice. Not as trivial as it may seem (also, hi, Cindy!).
I think you can get away with not calling if you've only ever had one date
Spidra, I guess that's what I meant by "very framed". The way it's done here (and, obviously, it's influenced heavily by the fact that by "here" I mean mostly Orthodox Jewish people), you have to call after the first date in order to make matters clear. Well, unless - like the last blind date I had - the guy ends up the date by wishing you to find a good man soon. (also, hi! I can't remember when I last posted with you!)
I'd like a guy to not tell me he's busy. I'd like him to tell me he has a girlfriend, or that he doesn't want to see me anymore anyway. I don't like being lied to.
Considering how differently we live through (is that even English?) this whole subject, it's somewhat surprising how much I am ita in these matters. [Edit: even moreso after her last post. Um, minus the flirting. I have no idea how to do that.]
I've never dated anyone without knowing exactly when it's due to be over.
I want to make sure I am reading this correctly. You knew WHEN the relationship was gonna end while you were in it? Or you were clear when the relationship ended?
I've been clear when all my relationships ended too. It's only been with people I've goina on a few dates with that I have either being the recipient or giver of the passivity ending things thing.
Spidra, I guess that's what I meant by "very framed". The way it's done here (and, obviously, it's influenced heavily by the fact that by "here" I mean mostly Orthodox Jewish people), you have to call after the first date in order to make matters clear.
It's been so long since I dated, but this sounds wonderful, because I do remember feeling like this:
I'd like a guy to not tell me he's busy. I'd like him to tell me he has a girlfriend, or that he doesn't want to see me anymore anyway. I don't like being lied to.
And I hated it. I left out of my little story, that my best friend came home from the NYE party, called me the next day, and told me first boy had been there with his ex, and apparently had been seeing her since before he and I agreed to see other people. And that would have been fine and tearless for me, if he'd just been truthful. He was very much a leader-on-er.
Well, unless - like the last blind date I had - the guy ends up the date by wishing you to find a good man soon. (also, hi! I can't remember when I last posted with you!)
The poor man doesn't know what he's missing.
You knew WHEN the relationship was gonna end while you were in it?
This one. He had a plane ticket a couple months out. He ended up postponing it some, but we both knew he was moving on way before we started.
that is crazy. Could that bit of info been what made him relationship material?
I would hate someone calling me after a date to talk about where we see things. And I don't really care what they tell me about why they don't want to see me. I don't really care why, the end result is the same.
It's almost a hypothetical for me until this latest dating experience, because in general I've gone out on very few dates which have left me with any desire to see the person again, and I'm happy not to press the point if they don't. But if I'm asked out on a second date by someone that I don't want to see again, I level with him that I don't feel any chemistry or whatever and decline—I figure treating him like an adult rather than waffling or playing games is the best approach, and I expect that treatment in return. A polite refusal may be disappointing, but it's not insulting the way being strung along is.
Especially since they are not going to be as honest with me as with their friends(Which I suppose courtesy demands, in some cases, but it's not like they are interested in helping me fix myself.)
