Go out with the one who isn't making you cry

That's a good advice. Not as trivial as it may seem (also, hi, Cindy!).

I think you can get away with not calling if you've only ever had one date

Spidra, I guess that's what I meant by "very framed". The way it's done here (and, obviously, it's influenced heavily by the fact that by "here" I mean mostly Orthodox Jewish people), you have to call after the first date in order to make matters clear. Well, unless - like the last blind date I had - the guy ends up the date by wishing you to find a good man soon. (also, hi! I can't remember when I last posted with you!)

I'd like a guy to not tell me he's busy. I'd like him to tell me he has a girlfriend, or that he doesn't want to see me anymore anyway. I don't like being lied to.

Considering how differently we live through (is that even English?) this whole subject, it's somewhat surprising how much I am ita in these matters. [Edit: even moreso after her last post. Um, minus the flirting. I have no idea how to do that.]

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I've never dated anyone without knowing exactly when it's due to be over.

I want to make sure I am reading this correctly. You knew WHEN the relationship was gonna end while you were in it? Or you were clear when the relationship ended?

I've been clear when all my relationships ended too. It's only been with people I've goina on a few dates with that I have either being the recipient or giver of the passivity ending things thing.

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Spidra, I guess that's what I meant by "very framed". The way it's done here (and, obviously, it's influenced heavily by the fact that by "here" I mean mostly Orthodox Jewish people), you have to call after the first date in order to make matters clear.

It's been so long since I dated, but this sounds wonderful, because I do remember feeling like this:

I'd like a guy to not tell me he's busy. I'd like him to tell me he has a girlfriend, or that he doesn't want to see me anymore anyway. I don't like being lied to.

And I hated it. I left out of my little story, that my best friend came home from the NYE party, called me the next day, and told me first boy had been there with his ex, and apparently had been seeing her since before he and I agreed to see other people. And that would have been fine and tearless for me, if he'd just been truthful. He was very much a leader-on-er.

Well, unless - like the last blind date I had - the guy ends up the date by wishing you to find a good man soon. (also, hi! I can't remember when I last posted with you!)

The poor man doesn't know what he's missing.

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You knew WHEN the relationship was gonna end while you were in it?

This one. He had a plane ticket a couple months out. He ended up postponing it some, but we both knew he was moving on way before we started.

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that is crazy. Could that bit of info been what made him relationship material?

I would hate someone calling me after a date to talk about where we see things. And I don't really care what they tell me about why they don't want to see me. I don't really care why, the end result is the same.

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It's almost a hypothetical for me until this latest dating experience, because in general I've gone out on very few dates which have left me with any desire to see the person again, and I'm happy not to press the point if they don't. But if I'm asked out on a second date by someone that I don't want to see again, I level with him that I don't feel any chemistry or whatever and decline—I figure treating him like an adult rather than waffling or playing games is the best approach, and I expect that treatment in return. A polite refusal may be disappointing, but it's not insulting the way being strung along is.

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Especially since they are not going to be as honest with me as with their friends(Which I suppose courtesy demands, in some cases, but it's not like they are interested in helping me fix myself.)

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that is crazy.

Worked out well at the time.

Could that bit of info been what made him relationship material?

Or it might have set a pattern in motion. Don't know. See why I get curious about what real people do?

I don't really care what they tell me about why they don't want to see me.

I'm more opposed to not being told anything at all. I'm not in a position to judge if it's really him or me or whatever, but I like "I'm busy" to mean just that, not be code for "too busy for you"

I would hate someone calling me after a date to talk about where we see things.

If we're talking "Let's go on another date" vs. "I don't think we should go on another date." I'm fine with it. If it's about my prospects as a wife or mother (or lack thereof) I don't want to go there.

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I've solved this whole dating problem by not dating. I imagine this doesn't work as well for people who are less misanthropic.

Ah, Shrift and I are as one. (But not dating!)

I look around at other people who take the existence of love and relationships -- well, not for granted, but have a sense through experience of how they fit into people's lives.

Also this. (I guess that would make Shrift, ita, and I as three.) Dating just seems like WAY more trouble than its worth. Maybe I'll know I've found The One when dating doesn't seem like a pain in the ass.

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Back from many errands. Got cat litter, cat food, some toiletry stuff to pack, dropped off Tim's gift from Strega (he loved it, Strega, and has stuff for you), and am now about to have some leftover wonton soup and noodles before attacking the rest of the cleaning, and then pack.

I'm terrified that I'll oversleep tomorrow for some reason. I usually take redeyes, not morning flights.

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