Sending off for an Eastern European mail-order-husband sounds cool on the surface (it's like Bel-Ami takeout!), but let's not forget the lesson Nicole Kidman taught us in Birthday Girl.

I need to go home, take some Robaxin, put a heating pad on my back, and put on my lavender heated slippers.

Do it do it!!!! Now I want to do that, too, and I don't even have any back pain!

I did realize that my awesome TV shoes are actually too big, so I just got various pads at CVS to see if that would work, and I'm not sure if it did. Hmm.

Probably I shall taste you once with my dishes.

Awww yeahhhh.

Probably I shall taste you once with my dishes.

Cannibal!

The mail-order groom site is weirdly charming. I'm fairly certain there's a found poem in there somewhere.

I am a well-wishing man from Ukraine, musician and painter with University education. I love art, intellectual dialoges, going to the nature. I love music, going to the concert halls, doing bodybuilding, painting and I write pictures and sell my work...

I am a family oriented man. I do not have bad habits at all. I like sport, music, cinema, nature and reading. I am a man with serious intentions.

At my spare time I like to do many things and among them are to listen to music, to have an active rest on the nature or sea, disco clubs. But I do not like to do it alone.

People, friends consider me as aman with self-respect. I love my work and I love to treat people. I like reading, travelling, sport and cars. They are my main interests. And I have many different interests too. And I am without bad habits.

I can draw nicely and I am good at cutting hair.

I am a strong man. Pilot-instructor by profession.I love my dears, nature, sport, music, arts and tourism. I love flying and making beautiful things.I am fond of woodcarving and art furniture.

I am a leader-man, Catholic. I have a daughter who lives with her mother. I love painting, design,heraldry, rock-music, jazz, phylosophy, religion, jurisprudence, medicine. I am of German origin. I play in rock band as a drummer.

It's like Smoove B from the former Soviet Union.

Duuuude - I hadn't shopped for my sister yet.

I'm totally ordering her a husband!

Unfortunate typo:

I am the agriculturist(agronomist) & the builder by profession. I love independence and travelling. I like many things movies, music, nature, meeting interesting people but I do not like to do anything alone, I want to do everything for my lovely lad...

Aspiring metrosexual, or possibly in search of a beard:

I am a driver. I like cars, fashion, culinary, movies and even theatre. I like nature, sea and river and many other things.I like to wear beautiful clothes.

Confusing but so charming:

I have many different specialities and I can do everything about the house. And I like to do such things very much! At my free time 4 times a week I go to the gym to do boxing. I am a FIhes by horoscope and I love sea, river, cats and dogs.

I call bullshit on this guy's photo. He SO ganked it from a catalogue or a movie magazine.

I'm fairly certain there's a found poem in there somewhere.

It's a lot like Sloan's ESL classic song "Pen Pals."

I call bullshit on this guy's photo. He SO ganked it from a catalogue or a movie magazine.

Hey, someone has to look like that, right?

I'm ordering him.

For myself.