Scary Franny story! I'm glad she's OK. When I was 2 or 3 I drank almost a whole bottle of cough medicine and had to spend all of Christmas day throwing it up, which was Not Fun, but I definitely never did it again. Hopefully Franny will feel the same way.

Speaking of medical trauma, I had a scare at work today. My heart started beating really fast, and I got dizzy and had to lie down on the floor. My heart slowed after a few minutes, but it was pretty frightening, and I felt like crap all day: lightheaded, heavy-limbed. At least I am home now, and awaiting the imminent delivery of delicious Italian food. Possibly I will go to bed shortly after it arrives.

Can someone quote that entire line/bit, pleasepleaseplease? I was laughing too hard to memorize it.

I don't remember all of it, but it went something like, "We here at Osama's Home Abortion [something something] Jizzaporium."

Osama's Homo-Bortion [something] Commie Jizzaporium.

I still have it on the Tivo at home. It was just so beautiful.

Shrift, if I come to Escapade and ply you with alcohol, will you move?

Come to Escapade! Ply me with alcohol!

I'm already thinking about moving. My family would kill me if I do it while Christmas is afoot, but after, it's a whole new year.

I am killing a few more minutes at work:

CUTE:

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"I know you don't want to hear this, but you're both really young. No matter how much you love each other, you're both really young."

Another in the list of phone conversations I don't need to overhear at work. Dudes, times and places.

Thanks, Cass! You'll need my address, huh? Or do you have it?

Wow. Now Concerned Mother is explaining the phone call to her co-worker. I'd be embarassed for her daughter, except whyinhell is she having that sort of conversation with her mother while Ma's at work?

Kate, glad you're okay. Margaret Thatcher was recently hospitalised for feeling faint. WhatEV. Okay, maybe she's 109 by now, but still.

So. I just listened to an elderly lady cry because she's afraid she'll lose her home, the company seems to have her insurance money, but hasn't credited it to her, and she is scared of where she's living and just wants to go home.

Can I leave now? I don't cry in front of coworkers.

Oh lord. We have forty some consultants and about double that number of clients scheduled to come in tonight and tomorrow for this freak-ass conference. What do you think is happening now?

Okay, I'd rather have to listen to what I have to than what you do, DJ. I couldn't bear what you bear of a workday. Not even a little.

{{Daisy Jane}}

Oh, no, brenda!