36 years down, and I've never gotten a non-platonic and welcome letter of affection. I hang out with the wrong crowds.

Ditto.

No, I lie. I got a badly spelled one from the class clown in Grade 8.

ETA:Wait, that one was not welcome. I mentioned the bad spelling...

I searched for "shimmer," and narrowed the category down to "makeup" and then further down to "body."

Wait, "Shimmer" is a floorwax and a dessert topping AND glitter makeup? That's what I call a real multi-tasker.

I had no idea you could drive men mad so well, ita. Now we just need to find someone who goes mad in a good way.

I had no idea you could drive men mad so well, ita.

It's a gift. There was also the guy that told me the "anecdote" about shooting the family cat (it had gotten at his cashmere sweaters) over dinner, looked surprised I wouldn't go back to his hotel room, and then 8 years after I stopped talking to him, after sending out a conciliatory e-mail to me he tried to join the LAistas mailing list.

For all I know, he's watching right now.

Did I mention, people are weird? Still looking for the right nutcase.

Still looking for the right nutcase.

Yep. The one who brings over the good scotch, and then rubs my shoulders while we watch Cowboy Bebop episodes. Which I wouldn't have considered weird per se, but it does seem to be damn rare.

Ugh. All things considered, after hearing the bad side I'm curiously bouyed by the thought that no one has ever been that into me. And thankfully my aforementioned new penpal was thrilled that I managed to track him down after 5 years, and remembers me fondly rather than regarding me as an unwelcome stalker.

You can't post a link to a picture of Ian McShane and not work in a "cocksucker!" or two.

No one has ever sent me a love letter, ever.

If anyone would like to, my email is Allyson000 at aol dot desperate.

If anyone would like to, my email is Allyson000 at aol dot desperate.

Do you want me to forward you that naked cameraphone picture I was sent by a random stranger? You could pretend...