well, it kind of depends on the person. if I tell people to back off, I mean it. but, I have a friend that tells people that she wants to be alone, but she really wants people to call her so she can feel loved. is she a person who is honest with others about her feelings?

Should I go over there even if she protests to get her out of the house at least?

I would bring over wine, dvds, and junk food of choice. Then, if she really doesn't want company, she can keep them anyway. If she just doesn't want to talk about it, you can watch the dvds and at least she'll have some company.

Yeah. I think I'll "insist" unless she pushes back.

I asked her if she wanted to get dinner (this morning) and she said, "I don't even know how I'm going to get through the next 10 minutes, I can't even think about dinner plans."

Heartbreaking.

Edited to put insist in quotes, because obviously I won't do anything she doesn't want. I just don't think she knows to vocalize what she wants, so I will step in a little.

Drat, I meant to say this before: much ~ma for Emily's stepfather.

Incidentally, "stepfather" is much nicer than " that thing my mother is married to" which is how I think of mine.

I'd go over. bring food - otr offer to get food. don't force her out now. In a couple of weeks - that the force her out time.

Nora, I'd go with your instinct on this one. I think that if you show up with chocolate/ice cream or some other cure for a broken heart (a doctor friend of mine tells me the cure is a Benedryl and a shot of vodka) because that's what feels right to you, it's good.

Not knowing your friend it is hard to say, but showing up with comfort food and a movie is usually a good way to help her chill and maybe open up.

Nora, from the sound of it, the bringing comfort for an evening in sounds like a better plan than dragging her out. Main thing is, you are there for her. And if it does seem like getting her out of the house is a good idea when you get there, well, you can play it by ear.

"stepfather" is much nicer than "that thing my mother is married to"

I use "My father's third wife" when I have to refer to her. Even though they have been married 16 years, she has never been a "step-mother" or "step-mom" or anything like that to me.

seriously, if she can't plan the next 10 min. show up , but be prepared to leave. For me, I am a 24-48 hour wallower. I get tired of the wallowing , no matter how bad I feel. However, over something seriousI might go in and out of wallow zone for awhile.