Spike's Bitches 26: Damn right I'm impure!
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Radical acceptance sounds like a good plan. I'm sorry about the start of Monday vw.
I'm privately pleased that DH wasn't here for the teen meltdown this morning. (Don't tell) When Jr loses control and gets all hormoney my peaceful and calm temperament seems to bring him around in relatively short order. Sr on the other hand tends to have this competitive macho "you will do as I say now" bullshit response which just inflames the whole situation. I end up wanting to put them both in time out. At least this morning there was only one person yelling. Less stressful for me that way.
I am grateful that there is something he loves enough that banning it might get him to do his work. At least you people understand that he won’t get into the college basketball program of his dreams on height alone. He consistently gets 97-99%tile on all the tests. He only has to hand in assignments to be a 4.0+ student. He even gets extra points for the honors classes.
Damage done. Overturned chairs, bent curtain rod from yanking his cow curtains, clothes and debris all over floor (his room), floor lamp maybe broken, picture in hallway crashed to floor broken glass. Mom’s peaceful morning was a complete loss.
Oh well, hopefully he will get this before he is 7’ and 200 lbs punching holes in the wall.
I'm privately pleased that DH wasn't here for the teen meltdown this morning. (Don't tell) When Jr loses control and gets all hormoney my peaceful and calm temperament seems to bring him around in relatively short order. Sr on the other hand tends to have this competitive macho "you will do as I say now" bullshit response which just inflames the whole situation.
My FiL does this exact same thing with my 17 year old BiL. It's counter productive. Really.
Laura, much peaceful household-ma and getting it -ma for the boy.
Gross Generalization: I think that a lot of times, Fathers and Sons tend to have an issues sort of thing, the same way that a lot of times, Mothers and Daughters tend to have an issues sort of thing. They manifest differently, but it's still there. And it seems to me there's sometimes a better rapport between the opposite sex parent. I'd like to talk to same sex parents of adolescents and see what usually happens.
oww.. destrution on top of everything else. I am glad you can remain calm, but eventually I hope that the consequences of destruction start mattering to him too.
Funny weekend story:
While travelling through very Southern Indiana two weeks ago, my sister lost one of her bags when it fell out of the back of their van at a truck stop. Since DH and I were on the same highway this past weekend, we thought we'd stop and check the lost and found at the truck stop or see if anyone turned in a bag (yeah, slim chance but worth a try).
DH walks up to the counter and asks if anyone found a black duffle bag and turned it in. The lady searched her memory, paused and said, "No...no bag. But some fella lost a shirt that we found. Are you Kenneth Cole?"
DH nearly choked. But he just smiled and said, "Why, no. No I'm not. Thanks, anyway."
So people in Southern Indiana now know that Kenneth Cole is not a short, balding man from Ohio.
The lady searched her memory, paused and said, "No...no bag. But some fella lost a shirt that we found. Are you Kenneth Cole?"
DH nearly choked. But he just smiled and said, "Why, no. No I'm not. Thanks, anyway."
Hee.
Snerk
I'm not pleased with the destruction part, but he will have to fix or replace what broke. I don't really think that I can tame 13 yo hormones instantly to prevent screaming and tossing chairs, but I hope that he will learn quickly that for his actions there are consequences.
I'm actually better with him than his father. I still haven't quite driven home my point that I don't think that screaming and throwing stuff teaches kids not to scream and throw stuff. He can't comprehend how I stay so calm.
Our compromise is that I deal with Brendon because they are too alike and he deals with Bobby because we are too alike. Not the best solution, but this parenting thing is a work in progress.
Good luck with all that, Laura. I just had a sister, so the raising of boys is something of a mystery to me. My sister used to get into screaming fights with my Mom (and now they're far closer than Mom and I), but I don't remember property damage.
Our compromise is that I deal with Brendon because they are too alike and he deals with Bobby because we are too alike. Not the best solution, but this parenting thing is a work in progress.
Oh, I disagree that that's not the best solution. It's at least a good one. And it makes sense. Obviously, Brendon gets through to you, so if Bobby's like you, there you go, and vice versa.
Bobby makes me crazy. I haven't a clue how to get him to perform. Then again I can't imagine any way my mother could have managed to get me to do the right thing either. Probably better to let dad have a shot.
I may be way too calm and philosophical about the whole thing. Both DH and I were less than great students in HS. I dropped out to spend more time with boys and drugs and DH graduated with something like a 1.6gpa. Then we both went on to graduate with honors from college and are pretty much successful adults. I don't think that it is certain failure to not do well in middle school. It is however my task to do everything in my power to see that he does succeed. It would just be so much easier to be a bad parent.
DH gets all in the moment and doesn’t look at the big picture. It is like a personal affront if the kids don’t hop when I tell them to do something. I just expect kids to be kids. (This may be the extra 11 years life experience thing too)
So today I am bitching about my husband and kids and scaring all the parents of infants. Hee.
edit for grammar - twice
