Spike's Bitches 26: Damn right I'm impure!
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
I'm privately pleased that DH wasn't here for the teen meltdown this morning. (Don't tell) When Jr loses control and gets all hormoney my peaceful and calm temperament seems to bring him around in relatively short order. Sr on the other hand tends to have this competitive macho "you will do as I say now" bullshit response which just inflames the whole situation.
My FiL does this exact same thing with my 17 year old BiL. It's counter productive. Really.
Laura, much peaceful household-ma and getting it -ma for the boy.
Gross Generalization: I think that a lot of times, Fathers and Sons tend to have an issues sort of thing, the same way that a lot of times, Mothers and Daughters tend to have an issues sort of thing. They manifest differently, but it's still there. And it seems to me there's sometimes a better rapport between the opposite sex parent. I'd like to talk to same sex parents of adolescents and see what usually happens.
oww.. destrution on top of everything else. I am glad you can remain calm, but eventually I hope that the consequences of destruction start mattering to him too.
Funny weekend story:
While travelling through very Southern Indiana two weeks ago, my sister lost one of her bags when it fell out of the back of their van at a truck stop. Since DH and I were on the same highway this past weekend, we thought we'd stop and check the lost and found at the truck stop or see if anyone turned in a bag (yeah, slim chance but worth a try).
DH walks up to the counter and asks if anyone found a black duffle bag and turned it in. The lady searched her memory, paused and said, "No...no bag. But some fella lost a shirt that we found. Are you Kenneth Cole?"
DH nearly choked. But he just smiled and said, "Why, no. No I'm not. Thanks, anyway."
So people in Southern Indiana now know that Kenneth Cole is not a short, balding man from Ohio.
The lady searched her memory, paused and said, "No...no bag. But some fella lost a shirt that we found. Are you Kenneth Cole?"
DH nearly choked. But he just smiled and said, "Why, no. No I'm not. Thanks, anyway."
Hee.
Snerk
I'm not pleased with the destruction part, but he will have to fix or replace what broke. I don't really think that I can tame 13 yo hormones instantly to prevent screaming and tossing chairs, but I hope that he will learn quickly that for his actions there are consequences.
I'm actually better with him than his father. I still haven't quite driven home my point that I don't think that screaming and throwing stuff teaches kids not to scream and throw stuff. He can't comprehend how I stay so calm.
Our compromise is that I deal with Brendon because they are too alike and he deals with Bobby because we are too alike. Not the best solution, but this parenting thing is a work in progress.
Good luck with all that, Laura. I just had a sister, so the raising of boys is something of a mystery to me. My sister used to get into screaming fights with my Mom (and now they're far closer than Mom and I), but I don't remember property damage.
Our compromise is that I deal with Brendon because they are too alike and he deals with Bobby because we are too alike. Not the best solution, but this parenting thing is a work in progress.
Oh, I disagree that that's not the best solution. It's at least a good one. And it makes sense. Obviously, Brendon gets through to you, so if Bobby's like you, there you go, and vice versa.
Bobby makes me crazy. I haven't a clue how to get him to perform. Then again I can't imagine any way my mother could have managed to get me to do the right thing either. Probably better to let dad have a shot.
I may be way too calm and philosophical about the whole thing. Both DH and I were less than great students in HS. I dropped out to spend more time with boys and drugs and DH graduated with something like a 1.6gpa. Then we both went on to graduate with honors from college and are pretty much successful adults. I don't think that it is certain failure to not do well in middle school. It is however my task to do everything in my power to see that he does succeed. It would just be so much easier to be a bad parent.
DH gets all in the moment and doesn’t look at the big picture. It is like a personal affront if the kids don’t hop when I tell them to do something. I just expect kids to be kids. (This may be the extra 11 years life experience thing too)
So today I am bitching about my husband and kids and scaring all the parents of infants. Hee.
edit for grammar - twice
I don't think that it is certain failure to not do well in middle school. It is however my task to do everything in my power to see that he does succeed. It would just be so much easier to be a bad parent.
Me, neither. I do think (for my own that is, I don't have a clue what to do with your boys, because you're that much ahead of me), right now, with Ben (who is too like me, although I still have an edge with him over Scott, somehow) that it's the time to try to persuade him to want to overcome some of his bad habits (that he gets from me), that are going to make middle school (next year--they start in 5th grade, here) and high school more difficult.
We just started school the week after Labor Day. He was already woefully behind on stuff as of last week. So, we had a Hell Week (Hellish for me, as well as for him) where I rode him fairly strictly, until he was all caught up. I'm hoping he bought into my overriding theme which was, "If you just bust your butt right now, you'll be back on top, and maintaining is ALWAYS easier than catching up."
He seems to have bought into it, but he's a nine year old boy.
