For that, you'll need pie.

Damnit! Should have had dessert.

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I always thought Book!Almanzo was hotter than TV!Almanzo.

I remember seeing a photo of the two of them (Almanzo and Laura) when they temporarily moved to Florida--Laura has a gun strapped to her hip and Almanzo is sporting a sexy 'stache.

Real life is so much better than TV.

But, as a sad follow up to that statement, A&E was rerunning the "Child Stars" show over the weekend in which Melissa Gilbert was part of a roundtable discussion group filled with former child stars (from Patty Duke to Kim Fields). Gilbert told about the letter she received in the early years of the show from a little girl who wrote that her father told her she should be "just like Laura," and she tried to comply, so he would stop hitting her.

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What is the right dosage of bacon to combat hurricane hysteria?

Shrift is right. This calls for pie.

I mean, when the idiots in the booth behind you at IHOP are talking about storm surge, I feel like the hurricane has already won.

Ugh. There ought to be a rule. They clearly didn't have enough bacon to lull them into complacency.

Also, I can't get in touch with my husband.

I'm sorry. You don't need this stress. When you do get in touch with him, you have full permission to beat him. Soundly.

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Bacon has made my stomach happy, but it has not soothed my soul.

Dana, I will attempt to soothe your soul by having a BLT for lunch. It might not work, but I'll try.

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When you do get in touch with him, you have full permission to beat him.

I'd totally call his office and leave a voicemail, except I just got tasked to do something urgent for a bigwig.

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It's like, hellooo, little monkey, are you only capable of dialing one phone number?

This is what happens when you're helpful. And now I had to spend twenty minutes on the phone with someone who was actually calling me for a reason, but that reason included about five minutes of content. I kept having to cut him off, like, what do you want to get out of this? Okay, so you don't actually know and I need to talk to this other guy to find out what he wants? Excellent!

I feel bad for the guy, though. This is the second time in a week he's called me and I've snapped at him. But I'm having a bad month!

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Shallow graves are rarely a good idea, especially if they can be linked to you through legal paperwork.

Perception altering epiphany I gleaned while doing construction work:

Me: Well, guys we've got to dig a six foot hole here. Since it's solid coral it'll probably take us most of the day.
Day Laborer: Shit, it only takes two hours to bury a man.

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My favorite Overheards In New York are the PA announcements, especially on the subway. [link]

Pilot: Okay, so they've delayed us for about an hour, people. But it's not my fault. I don't want to be here either. But listen guys...I've got this trick. They tell me to stay put but I don't care. We'll inch up right by the runway because sometimes there's a little window of time where we can go. Yeah I've got it all worked out...be glad I'm sneaky.

--LaGuardia

Cracks my shit up!

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I rather like

Conductor: To the young lady who was screaming on the platform: It's not the four-legged creatures you need to worry about. The creatures you gotta watch out for are the two-legged ones. Thank you and have a nice day.

...and it is less likely to make me envision dying in a traffic accident on a plane!

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It looks like the FDA is reconsidering the appointment of a male veternarian as head of the Women's Health Office

Even though they back peddled on this, my rage knows no bounds. WTF? Have they learned NOTHING about agency appointments????

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