I think tiggy is wise. The rest of your book tells its own story about why fandom is seductive.

And the one that's hardest to write is always the one that most needs writing, IMHO.

What tiggy said.

Submit! Submit to piracy!

Do I get an eyepatch, a wooden leg, and learn how to say "arrrrr"?

If "The Inside" never goes out on DVD, then - ironically enough - I'll have no problem watching a downloaded file. If that ends up the case, then there won't be any other way for me to get it, I won't be able to pay for it and therefore downloading it won't be doing anything instead of the 'proper' methods.

One way or another, I'm sure I'll get to watch it. And throw embarrassingly large paragraphs about what I did and didn't like about it. I got to watch "Firefly", I got to watch "Wonderfalls". I'm sure "The Inside" will be watched, as well.

endorsed by moi

If it had been the first episode there on the computer, I would have probably already watched it. I wouldn't have been able to resist. And you're not helping! Um, or something.

It's the awesomest part of The Inside

Before seeing the show, I think I can safely say that it's definitely the most adorable (there was no pink kitchen, right?). Thanks, Allyson!

I am a bad Buffista.

No, you're not! It was very kind of you to offer, in the first place. And really, I can totally wait and watch the whole thing, when it happens.

The rest of your book tells its own story about why fandom is seductive.

What tiggy and Betsy said. Also, why is it the harder part? It seems like the "why I choose to be involved in fandom" is way more about you and the personal behind-the-scenes stuff going on in your private life, than the decisions made by people in ME to follow through with those decisions and the actions they created. At least to the looking-from-the-outside me.

Ah, Nilly. The first part was much easier to write down. I was lonely, having just moved to LA and having few friends, and my ego was in the toilet, having no job and no sense of direction. Fandom made me feel less lonely, and it was a small enough pond that with a little effort I could be someone prolific, somewhere...anywhere. Didn't really matter where. Which is pathetic, but at least I could get involved in charity work and thus feel some sense of accomplishment since my life was out-of-control.

The how part is the part where I have to use words like, "trustworthy," "charming," "funny," when talking about myself and why folks took my calls for interviews and donations.

I'm not good at the good words. It also feels terribly tedious to me, though because over time, a goodly portion of people have either asked me how I got my hands on a script or got invited to a wrap or set visit, it seems something I have to explain. And also because of the accusatory posts over the years and in my LJ recently that are all about disbelief and the perception that I'm either making it all up or something.

Which is pathetic

Not to correct your English or anything, but I think you misspelled "human".

The how part is the part where I have to use words like, "trustworthy," "charming," "funny," when talking about myself and why folks took my calls for interviews and donations.

Um, silly question, but - is there anyone who did this that you could ask? Would quoting somebody else as saying that you're something-good be less of a problem?

(Not that I don't understand the problem in and of itself, of course. I have the same thing with, well, my own self.)

It also feels terribly tedious to me

Do you have any older explanations of these things that you can re-read and adapt now for your essay?

are all about disbelief and the perception that I'm either making it all up or something.

Well, these things may be way more about the people saying them than about you, anything you can do or say won't change that. If somebody chooses not to believe, then you can't make them, right? You can't carry them by the collar of their shirt and drag them along with you on a charity auction or the like, no matter how much the image may look, um, appealing?

Nilly's so smart.

Well, these things may be way more about the people saying them than about you, anything you can do or say won't change that.

This is a lovely thing to remember.

I think the doubt from people who don't know you is something you have to just allow to pass without dwelling on it, Allyson. I mean, the internet actually is full of fakes and phonies who try to make themselves seem important via lies and exaggerating their connections to fame. The skeptical instinct that's leading them to voice disbelief (erroneously in your case) is probably actually healthy in general—less likelihood of them falling for scams that arise out of fandom.

But you know the truth of your involvement in online fandom, and so do the people who know you.

Allyson, there's the angle that you write about at least one fake--and you write about people like me who weren't actually fakes (as far as y'all know, she says twirling her moustache). And then there's why people might think you're one of those selfsame fakes.

I'm a fake and proud of it!

there's the angle that you write about at least one fake

That's actually a really interesting question, IMHO. How does anybody knows that anybody online isn't a fake? How did you guys know that I wasn't a fake, before I met you? How did *I* know, for that matters? Hmm.

I'm a fake and proud of it!

Weren't those Cindy and Frank?