Ah, Nilly. The first part was much easier to write down. I was lonely, having just moved to LA and having few friends, and my ego was in the toilet, having no job and no sense of direction. Fandom made me feel less lonely, and it was a small enough pond that with a little effort I could be someone prolific, somewhere...anywhere. Didn't really matter where. Which is pathetic, but at least I could get involved in charity work and thus feel some sense of accomplishment since my life was out-of-control.
The how part is the part where I have to use words like, "trustworthy," "charming," "funny," when talking about myself and why folks took my calls for interviews and donations.
I'm not good at the good words. It also feels terribly tedious to me, though because over time, a goodly portion of people have either asked me how I got my hands on a script or got invited to a wrap or set visit, it seems something I have to explain. And also because of the accusatory posts over the years and in my LJ recently that are all about disbelief and the perception that I'm either making it all up or something.
Which is pathetic
Not to correct your English or anything, but I think you misspelled "human".
The how part is the part where I have to use words like, "trustworthy," "charming," "funny," when talking about myself and why folks took my calls for interviews and donations.
Um, silly question, but - is there anyone who did this that you could ask? Would quoting somebody else as saying that you're something-good be less of a problem?
(Not that I don't understand the problem in and of itself, of course. I have the same thing with, well, my own self.)
It also feels terribly tedious to me
Do you have any older explanations of these things that you can re-read and adapt now for your essay?
are all about disbelief and the perception that I'm either making it all up or something.
Well, these things may be way more about the people saying them than about you, anything you can do or say won't change that. If somebody chooses not to believe, then you can't make them, right? You can't carry them by the collar of their shirt and drag them along with you on a charity auction or the like, no matter how much the image may look, um, appealing?
Nilly's so smart.
Well, these things may be way more about the people saying them than about you, anything you can do or say won't change that.
This is a lovely thing to remember.
I think the doubt from people who don't know you is something you have to just allow to pass without dwelling on it, Allyson. I mean, the internet actually is full of fakes and phonies who try to make themselves seem important via lies and exaggerating their connections to fame. The skeptical instinct that's leading them to voice disbelief (erroneously in your case) is probably actually healthy in general—less likelihood of them falling for scams that arise out of fandom.
But you know the truth of your involvement in online fandom, and so do the people who know you.
Allyson, there's the angle that you write about at least one fake--and you write about people like me who weren't actually fakes (as far as y'all know, she says twirling her moustache). And then there's why people might think you're one of those selfsame fakes.
I'm a fake and proud of it!
there's the angle that you write about at least one fake
That's actually a really interesting question, IMHO. How does anybody knows that anybody online isn't a fake? How did you guys know that I wasn't a fake, before I met you? How did *I* know, for that matters? Hmm.
I'm a fake and proud of it!
Weren't those Cindy and Frank?
I feel like an imposter; does that count?
If you feel like an imposter, but we believe you (um, either that you're an imposter, or to what you show us), would it still count?
I denounce victor for faking being a fake.