The bride who had the best wedding I ever went to approached the whole thing like this: "I am planning a cocktail party with substantial appetizers for 100 people. I want this to be the sort of party I would like to attend if someone else were hosting it."

Yeah, the wedding last summer where I was MoH I skipped the "shower." It was the bride and groom and wedding party and assorted friends going to a total cowboy dive called "Bud's" in Roswell, for cheap beer and two-stepping. I was having major morning sickness all day, and didn't want to be in a smoke-filled bar until wee hours watching people get drunk. Such a square, I know.

Wasn't a big issue, though.

Anyone else remember when bridal and baby showers were iced tea and munchies on someone's porch and the women in your family got you dishtowels or onesies respectively?

sighhhhh

The one time I was a bridesmaid my cousin very openly picked the person with the best salary as her maid of honor since she'd have the most stuff to take care of. Not crazy stuff, just gas money and rental deposits and other things that would have been uncomfortably tight for the rest of us. She promised us the clothes would be $200 max and came in under budget. A beautician friend did our hair and nails as her wedding present. It was all very sane.

I think that planning a party for 70 is hard.

Potluck!

OK, maybe I just grew up around a bunch of just-starting-out grad student families.....

I think the largest parties I ever helped with (never been the sole host) were only 20-30 people. And I was mostly the fetchit girl, sous-chef and taster. The latter often meant I was quite tipsy by the time these parties started, since they often involved batches of mixed drinks.

Ahh, those were fun parties.

The thing I hate most about wedding showers? The %&(@*$ games. I have a cordial loathing for enforced 'fun' and anything designed to embarrass the GoH.

Anyone else remember when bridal and baby showers were iced tea and munchies on someone's porch and the women in your family got you dishtowels or onesies respectively?

Yes. This is what I wanted, actually, but I never said a word, because it's so gross to say, "Here's what you shall do to throw me a party." When my m-o-h slipped and talked about renting a hall, I told her to stop it, that it would be embarrassing, and too much like a pre-wedding. It was too late. There were deposits, and what not.

My grandmother threw me a shower. I'm pretty sure there were games, but I've blocked out the memory of them.

My one attendant and I went shopping for her dress together. I wanted her to have something she'd like and might wear again. I hope she's still got it.

I'm with you, Anne. NO GAMES.

A party for 70 is stressful. I think the trick, as Allyson just pointed out on AIM, is that when you are planning something like this,you have to keep the craxy to yourself.

I can remember my mantra of "Nobody cares except for me." Which was liberating because it reminded me that everyone who would be there would still love us even if things weren't perfect.

Did I mention that the bridesmaids' gifts included flasks?

That's awesome! Ours got knives. (Well, Swisscards engraved with their initials. But knives enough that none of our attendants can travel with them, in spite of their being oh-so travel-sized.)

[eta:

Or a honeymoon.

I did get a honeymoon. But as it included a week in the hospital with salmonella, followed by 9/11, I think I'm entitled to a do over.]

You bought a house? Cool!

Well, a condo actually, but since it’s in the city, it costs as much as a house.

Party at Steph's in - what, February?

Yes, at the big hole in the ground! :) It’s being built, so I won’t move in until late 2006 (or more likely, early 2007)

Has this bride always been like this, or is it just the wedding-planning that's making everything all craxy?

The sad thing is that the bride is not trying to be a bridezilla at all. She honestly believes that it is easier/cheaper to make the skirts (she doesn’t understand how people can’t sew, but then I don’t understand how people cant’ cook, so I kind of get it). She doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by not inviting anyone to the shower, so her solution was to invite everyone. She didn’t want to hurt the other friend’s feelings who wanted to throw her a shower (though why she couldn’t have just said ‘oh, my bridesmaids are throwing a shower, but thanks”, I don’t know). I’m sure that in her mind, the “bachelorette party” is the one thing that _she_ wants to do, and is what the shower should be.

Okay, and now Jess. Clearly Buffista weddings are superior.

Well, DUH. :)

Apparently, some of her proper relatives were horrified that I didn't throw a shower

I didn’t do one for my best friend, either, because she looked at me and said “I love you, but I can’t deal with one. More. Thing right now.” So, I said cool. In retrospect, I should have sent out an email saying “I’m not throwing her anything because she doesn’t want one”, because her SIL ended up doing this “luncheon” because “no one else was doing anything”.