I think brides paying for dresses and hotels and whatnot are really going above and beyond the norm. In a good way, don't get me wrong, but that's definitely not typical.

I'd like to think that brides themselves can easily be the judge of how bridezilla they are, but maybe that's not always possible.

I know that when I was planning for having a party of 70, I thought I was reasonible and sane and not all craxy making, though I think Allyson (and maybe Polgara but definitely Lori) begs to differ. She thought I was craxy acting too. And I didn't ask anyone to do anything in particular, like wear funny clothes, or throw parties for me.

Lori had a nice bridesmaid experience with our friend Cynthia. Cynthia asked her to wear a dress (one that C paid for) and told her the rest was up to her. It was all very mellow. C was a PITA to the catering staff, but that's another thing entirely.

Do people normally only have one shower?

It's becoming more common to have multiple showers, I think. At least one place I worked had showers for any to-be-married employees (or their fiancees). Not font of that practice, especially since I was never invited to any of the weddings, but was still expected to pony up cash or a gift.

I think it's also common to have multiple showers if the wedding guests are coming from multiple locations. I imagine that if I were to get married in the near future, I'd have a shower here in St. Louis, one back in Baltimore, and one wherever hypothetical fiance's family was.

For the wedding I was MoH, there was no way I could make a shower (hello! 2000 miles away!) Bride didn't care. We went out for drinks, I paid and she got drunk. Which was really cheap, because 2 drinks=drunk for her. Heh.

Apparently, some of her proper relatives were horrified that I didn't throw a shower. Um. OK. It was a pretty low-key, DIY wedding. I mean, one of the groomsmen was also the caterer!

I think that planning a party for 70 is hard. I'm assuming it is, since the idea freaks me right out. What makes a Bridezilla is what goes above and beyond party planning -- and that's mostly going to be in what you expect from other people.

My putative wedding wouldn't be any more expensive for the bridal party than for the guests. Cheaper perhaps, but the idea of wedding presents is both attractive and confuffling to me.

My friend who got married last month went insane the week before the wedding, and she knew it. Day-of, we were all, "Soooo, how you doing?" She was like, "I'm fine now...." Heh.

The best line I've heard about Rick Santorum is "The 'p' is silent".

Vortex,

What -t said. A bride doesn't get to dictate who pays what for her shower(s!!!). A shower is a party thrown voluntarily by friends and/or non-immediate famly members. The bride and or her mother/sisters, don't get to plan it, and present a bill. The bridal party, IF so inclined, hosts one (that is sensible for the budget of not only the bridesmaids, but guests as well), out of the goodness of their hearts.

The bride who had the best wedding I ever went to approached the whole thing like this: "I am planning a cocktail party with substantial appetizers for 100 people. I want this to be the sort of party I would like to attend if someone else were hosting it."

Yeah, the wedding last summer where I was MoH I skipped the "shower." It was the bride and groom and wedding party and assorted friends going to a total cowboy dive called "Bud's" in Roswell, for cheap beer and two-stepping. I was having major morning sickness all day, and didn't want to be in a smoke-filled bar until wee hours watching people get drunk. Such a square, I know.

Wasn't a big issue, though.

Anyone else remember when bridal and baby showers were iced tea and munchies on someone's porch and the women in your family got you dishtowels or onesies respectively?

sighhhhh

The one time I was a bridesmaid my cousin very openly picked the person with the best salary as her maid of honor since she'd have the most stuff to take care of. Not crazy stuff, just gas money and rental deposits and other things that would have been uncomfortably tight for the rest of us. She promised us the clothes would be $200 max and came in under budget. A beautician friend did our hair and nails as her wedding present. It was all very sane.