She doesn't need a Stepford Mom making her clingy and dependent by being with her 24/7.

! Which sounded really harsh. I didn't mean that you sounded like you were being such a mom, or that anyone who is trying to spend 24 hours a day with their baby sucks, or whatever. Just - it's okay to make some space in your life for not-just-focussing-on-the-baby. That's cool. That doesn't lose you Mom Brownie Points, it earns you sanity points, which makes you a better mom.

FWIW, I feel perfectly sure that I'd be Terrifyingly OverProtective And Insecure Crazy Lady Mum, in the event that I ever had kids. It doesn't even bear thinking about. So I do get it, I think, inasmuch as I can. Of course you're worrying, because you love her and you want to do right by her. But everything you've ever said about your homelife really really bespeaks the fact that you are doing right by her.

Susan, it's been a long time since I've paid attention to the developmental marks for toddlers. Are they supposed to be using the words the way you're looking for, or just "have" them? How is it worded in the state mailer? Do you have a good book, like What to Expect; Dr. Spock; or something by Brazelton? Pay attention to the wording. Often, with milestones, there are months and months worth of leeway.

Does your pediatrician have call-in hours on weekdays? Have you thought of going through the pedi first, or talking to the pedi, to see if what Annabel does say meets the milestones?

Also, and I hope you know I'm speaking as a neurotic mother, erika's comments have been the kindest ones, in the most real sense of the word kind.

From all accounts, you have a curious, intelligent, healthy little girl. Heaven knows, if she needs speech therapy, or any other kind of developmental therapy, she should have it. But she's not old enough for you to panic, yet. That much I do know. And, well, babies sense our emotions. If Annabel could benefit from therapy, she'll benefit far more from it, if you approach it calmly. Calling a number on a state mailer, without even talking about it with her dad, and then pediatrician, isn't a calm approach. If she ends up not needing speech or developmental therapy, you don't want to drive her into needing psychological therapy, out of some fear that she'll never live up to your expectations.

Aw sheesh. That seemed like a pile-on. I started typing right after erika posted. My phone rang, and I talked and then came back and finished. I'm sorry for the timing of that Susan.

but it would devastate me if I thought my mother struggled with my being atypical as much as you and you don't even know anything yet. Seriously. I'd drink bleach.

I understand that, I really do, and that's why I feel guilty for worrying and for feeling the need to make that phone call. But the thing is, I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. She's my first kid, I'm the youngest, I never babysat, her grandmothers are on the other side of the country, I have no support group since I left the too-fundy-for-me mom's group, etc. I feel like part of the problem is I haven't been doing all the babytalking and songs and rhymes and pointing to things and naming them and so on because I didn't know I was supposed to!

I just really don't know what I'm doing, or if I'm doing any of it right at all. And I don't know if it's too late to fix anything I've done wrong, like I've missed a developmental window, because I've been avoiding all the child development books to try to keep myself from freaking out like this.

I hope I didn't sound like a jerk either...it's just a tough topic for me, in some ways. Because I get wanting kids to be All Right, yeah? That's what I want, too. But it is hard for me to talk about the extent of some people's concerns because on any chart you can name, I'm not All Right. But I'm here, off the charts. Is that what I want for A? Hell, no. (It's not what I want for me, but it's what I got.)But could y'all live? Yes, I believe that deeply...so it hurts to see you feeling otherwise. That said, my mother's instincts were completely right about me, so have the tests, but don't borrow trouble. Is her hearing all right? That's like the simplest cause for speech problems.

I feel like part of the problem is I haven't been doing all the babytalking and songs and rhymes and pointing to things and naming them and so on because I didn't know I was supposed to!

My mother didn't do that either, and would roll the eyes at the suggestion. I graduated high school top of my class and got into Oxford.

Children aren't uniform, they aren't computers. But they may sense your panic, especially if you make it a pattern that lasts. And that has more potential for causing problems than not singing to her enough.

Moms worry. It's their job. They quit worrying about 15 minutes after their own funerals. That's just the way it is.

It's not wrong to worry about milestones, and if your instincts tell you to get an expert assessment, you have to follow your instincts. But it is also good to be able to say "Screw the numbers! My kid is great no matter what the charts say."

And I don't know if it's too late to fix anything I've done wrong, like I've missed a developmental window, because I've been avoiding all the child development books to try to keep myself from freaking out like this.

You have to basically leave your child to be raised by wolves or lock them in the attic and never interact with them for them to not acquire language.

If you feel guilty about not interacting with her enough why don' t you just interact with her more? Wouldn't that be better than sending her to a developmental specialist? You overrate experience here. You just listed all the stuff you're supposed to do.

"What does the cow say?
"Moo!"

Patty cake patty cake.

Read books to her.

Lots of face time.

It's not that complicated. You know exactly what you need to do.

It's boring sometimes. That's okay. Repetition is their friend.

Susan, I really hope you aren't feeling piled on, but yeah, what everyone else said.

As hard as it is, both you and Annabel are going to be a whole lot happier if you focus on enjoying the phase she is in now instead of worrying so much about where some standardized chart tells you she should be that you end up driving both of you crazy.

And I would've gone to the pede first, except that due to Dr. B's vacation schedule, Annabel's 15-month checkup is still 2 weeks away, and I kinda wanted to see if I could get some peace of mind before then.