I just set in motion the process to get a free developmental assessment for Annabel. I know it's irrational, but I feel like a failure for even needing to do this. I feel like if I'd only been a more involved mother, less given to doing my own thing with one eye on her doing her own thing and more given to playing name the body parts and reading to her often and so on, surely she'd be talking by now, and now all those important neural connections aren't getting made and I've deprived her of her intellectual heritage. And even more irrationally, I'm getting frustrated with her. Why can't/won't she do this one little thing that would assure me she's developing normally?

(And yes, I'm talking out my panic here in hopes of keeping it from getting out of hand.)

I just set in motion the process to get a free developmental assessment for Annabel.

How's Dylan feel about this? Does he feel like it's necessary or is he just doing it to calm you down?

I hope the assessment puts your mind at ease, Susan.

All the rants have been awesome. That poor woman, trapped in her tiny little mind.

I am having a Coke zero. it's good. I'm not sure if it tastes any different from Diet Coke or not. It's got a little less sodium, that's something, I guess.

(edited because, ful /=esome, who knew?)

Dunno. I called when I found the state public health department's 12-18 month mailing, which had that same old checklist that makes me frantic every time I see it talking about how 15-month-olds should have at least three words in addition to Mama and Dada, AND a number to call if you have concerns about your child's development. So I called on the spot, and then emailed Dylan and posted here.

How's Dylan feel about this? Does he feel like it's necessary or is he just doing it to calm you down?

What. Hec. Said.

But I think Dylan is concerned, too, just less so than I am because he was a late talker himself. Also, he swears he hears her say things that I don't--like, that she walked up to him while he was on the couch with the laptop while she was playing and said, "Hi, Daddy." But she doesn't do anything like that to me, so I wonder if he's imagining things or searching too hard for meaning in random babble. She makes the sounds "mama," but doesn't seem to use them to talk to me or to get my attention. And it's not like she says "Daddy" to Dylan every time he comes home from work--it's kind of a once in a blue moon thing. For a day or two this week I thought she had "bye" down--at least, she'd say "ba" as she waved bye-bye--but now she's stopped even waving!

"intellectual heritage?" Isn't she...one? (Bearing in mind of course, that I'm as single as single gets, and probably the wrong woman to say anything as my mother was bang-on right to worry about me but I get concerned about both of y'all when you worry about The Next Fifty Years this way. Because, if, God forbid, anything is wrong with A. you'd have to throw your time-table out and try to look at life from a more day-to-day perspective, or it's just gonna break your heart for the rest of your life. And hers. That much I do know. Probably, she's fine. But even if she's not completely average she could still have a great life. Just not the one you planned. I hope you don't think I'm an asshole now, but it would devastate me if I thought my mother struggled with my being atypical as much as you and you don't even know anything yet. Seriously. I'd drink bleach.

As a non-parent, Susan, I maybe have no right to put my oar in at all. But fuck this checklist crap - kids develop at different rates. Whether she's got a vocabulary of several hundred words or none right now is really not going to define how her intellect and personality develop. It's not going to form what kind of adult she becomes. It really isn't. I mean, I get why you're concerned, and if you want to set your mind at ease about her developmental needs, that's fair enough. But don't freak out just because of a generic checklist. She's not a BabyBot, she's a small person, and she'll develop at her own pace. People have been making babies and helping them grow up to be perfectly normal human beings for centuries without the assistance of this stupid check list.

And you're doing good, love. Don't beat yourself up for not being wrapped around her all day every day. She doesn't need a Stepford Mom making her clingy and dependent by being with her 24/7.

Susan, if the assesment comes back that everything is perfectly fine, that there is nothing wrong, that she'll talk when she's ready, will you PLEASE stop driving yourself crazy? Or are you *determined* to be one of those worry-wart, borderline over-protective mothers that drives themselves and their family insane? Because honestly, sometimes that's what it seems like.

Susan, I honestly have no worries about Annabel's develoment at all. Emmett did not even start to talk until he was 19 months.

I do, however, worry about how much you worry about Annabel. Some for your sake, but more for her sake. You need to get a handle on your anxieties and expectations.

I'm concerned you're going to set up a really unhealthy dynamic between yourself and her. You're not going to be able to hide your anxiety and expectations from her - she's going to feel it. And it's going to put a ton of pressure on her as she gets older.

You have to quit flipping out like a mammal. It's not healthy for you, and I don't think it's healthy for her.

But at this age, it's obviously not going to affect her to be tested. And it may alleviate your concern.