Dunno. I called when I found the state public health department's 12-18 month mailing, which had that same old checklist that makes me frantic every time I see it talking about how 15-month-olds should have at least three words in addition to Mama and Dada, AND a number to call if you have concerns about your child's development. So I called on the spot, and then emailed Dylan and posted here.

How's Dylan feel about this? Does he feel like it's necessary or is he just doing it to calm you down?

What. Hec. Said.

But I think Dylan is concerned, too, just less so than I am because he was a late talker himself. Also, he swears he hears her say things that I don't--like, that she walked up to him while he was on the couch with the laptop while she was playing and said, "Hi, Daddy." But she doesn't do anything like that to me, so I wonder if he's imagining things or searching too hard for meaning in random babble. She makes the sounds "mama," but doesn't seem to use them to talk to me or to get my attention. And it's not like she says "Daddy" to Dylan every time he comes home from work--it's kind of a once in a blue moon thing. For a day or two this week I thought she had "bye" down--at least, she'd say "ba" as she waved bye-bye--but now she's stopped even waving!

"intellectual heritage?" Isn't she...one? (Bearing in mind of course, that I'm as single as single gets, and probably the wrong woman to say anything as my mother was bang-on right to worry about me but I get concerned about both of y'all when you worry about The Next Fifty Years this way. Because, if, God forbid, anything is wrong with A. you'd have to throw your time-table out and try to look at life from a more day-to-day perspective, or it's just gonna break your heart for the rest of your life. And hers. That much I do know. Probably, she's fine. But even if she's not completely average she could still have a great life. Just not the one you planned. I hope you don't think I'm an asshole now, but it would devastate me if I thought my mother struggled with my being atypical as much as you and you don't even know anything yet. Seriously. I'd drink bleach.

As a non-parent, Susan, I maybe have no right to put my oar in at all. But fuck this checklist crap - kids develop at different rates. Whether she's got a vocabulary of several hundred words or none right now is really not going to define how her intellect and personality develop. It's not going to form what kind of adult she becomes. It really isn't. I mean, I get why you're concerned, and if you want to set your mind at ease about her developmental needs, that's fair enough. But don't freak out just because of a generic checklist. She's not a BabyBot, she's a small person, and she'll develop at her own pace. People have been making babies and helping them grow up to be perfectly normal human beings for centuries without the assistance of this stupid check list.

And you're doing good, love. Don't beat yourself up for not being wrapped around her all day every day. She doesn't need a Stepford Mom making her clingy and dependent by being with her 24/7.

Susan, if the assesment comes back that everything is perfectly fine, that there is nothing wrong, that she'll talk when she's ready, will you PLEASE stop driving yourself crazy? Or are you *determined* to be one of those worry-wart, borderline over-protective mothers that drives themselves and their family insane? Because honestly, sometimes that's what it seems like.

Susan, I honestly have no worries about Annabel's develoment at all. Emmett did not even start to talk until he was 19 months.

I do, however, worry about how much you worry about Annabel. Some for your sake, but more for her sake. You need to get a handle on your anxieties and expectations.

I'm concerned you're going to set up a really unhealthy dynamic between yourself and her. You're not going to be able to hide your anxiety and expectations from her - she's going to feel it. And it's going to put a ton of pressure on her as she gets older.

You have to quit flipping out like a mammal. It's not healthy for you, and I don't think it's healthy for her.

But at this age, it's obviously not going to affect her to be tested. And it may alleviate your concern.

She doesn't need a Stepford Mom making her clingy and dependent by being with her 24/7.

! Which sounded really harsh. I didn't mean that you sounded like you were being such a mom, or that anyone who is trying to spend 24 hours a day with their baby sucks, or whatever. Just - it's okay to make some space in your life for not-just-focussing-on-the-baby. That's cool. That doesn't lose you Mom Brownie Points, it earns you sanity points, which makes you a better mom.

FWIW, I feel perfectly sure that I'd be Terrifyingly OverProtective And Insecure Crazy Lady Mum, in the event that I ever had kids. It doesn't even bear thinking about. So I do get it, I think, inasmuch as I can. Of course you're worrying, because you love her and you want to do right by her. But everything you've ever said about your homelife really really bespeaks the fact that you are doing right by her.

Susan, it's been a long time since I've paid attention to the developmental marks for toddlers. Are they supposed to be using the words the way you're looking for, or just "have" them? How is it worded in the state mailer? Do you have a good book, like What to Expect; Dr. Spock; or something by Brazelton? Pay attention to the wording. Often, with milestones, there are months and months worth of leeway.

Does your pediatrician have call-in hours on weekdays? Have you thought of going through the pedi first, or talking to the pedi, to see if what Annabel does say meets the milestones?

Also, and I hope you know I'm speaking as a neurotic mother, erika's comments have been the kindest ones, in the most real sense of the word kind.

From all accounts, you have a curious, intelligent, healthy little girl. Heaven knows, if she needs speech therapy, or any other kind of developmental therapy, she should have it. But she's not old enough for you to panic, yet. That much I do know. And, well, babies sense our emotions. If Annabel could benefit from therapy, she'll benefit far more from it, if you approach it calmly. Calling a number on a state mailer, without even talking about it with her dad, and then pediatrician, isn't a calm approach. If she ends up not needing speech or developmental therapy, you don't want to drive her into needing psychological therapy, out of some fear that she'll never live up to your expectations.

Aw sheesh. That seemed like a pile-on. I started typing right after erika posted. My phone rang, and I talked and then came back and finished. I'm sorry for the timing of that Susan.