Ahh, let me try...
Dear Loony Crack-Addled Prig,
As you seem to be wearing your asshole as a tiny yet cunning little hat at the tip of your pinhead, it is difficult to choose which aspect of your personality I find least charming. The fact that you are plainly an idiot is forgiveable. I am not privy to the details of your upbringing and it is entirely possible that you were dropped on your head at regular intervals. Perhaps your mother imbibed imperial gallons of Rye from a lead goblet.
It is inexcusable, however, that you wrap your petty and self-righteous prattle in such a gummy wad of poor writing. You're not just a mean little rectal itch - you're somebody who'd shame her own teachers.
Looking forward to meeting you at the wedding. You'll be the person with your head in the punchbowl. I'll be the one yelling, "Spell "turpitude" now, Bitch!"
ta ever so!
Note to self:
Try not to piss off MiracleMan. Also, the next time somebody pisses me off, MM will get their address.
Wow, what a day. I'm glad to hear none of the Buffista family/friends/acquaintances were hurt in the London bombings.
Erin, that was an awesome reply to the fuckhead. In my heart, though, I sent her Fay's version (as I can't not use invective when someone pisses me off that much.)
I applaud all the invective. Anne's cool sneer, Betsy's tartness, Fay's slowly unraveling crusty Brittitude, Hec's flight of venemous fancy, MM calling her a terrorist and backing it up with a well-reasoned argument she hasn't got a hope in hell of comprehending, and the white-hot yet obscenity-free righteous fury bolt Erin did in fact send. I just applaud it all.
ION, the boots arrived, and they're AWESOME.
IOON, I just got back from a follow-up visit to the allergist, where she gave me the unsavory gift of one of the nastiest statistics in the history of human repose:
Say you buy a new pillow. Brand-new, never before used. By the time it's two years old, fully 10% of its weight consists of dust mites and dust mite feces.
I have to go home now and laminate my entire building.
WHY do people share factoids like that, JZ? Why?
In high school, I went through about a year of being about one neuron from Lady Macbeth anyway. It's just easier on me to not think of those things.
Dear Madam,
You suck. I do not. Well, I do, but it doesn't make me any less of a teacher, so suck it.
Love,
Ms. Slutgear
I still think the most efficacious reply to crazy cousin would have been
Dear craxy cousin,
EAT IT!!!!!1!
yrs, etc.
erika, I think she shared it with me because I was starting to look faint at the thought of the cost of all the mattress and box spring and pillow covers, and she wanted to frighten me out of my thriftiness before I cheap-assed myself into full-blown asthma. It worked, too.
Yeah... I can believe that.
Some doctors, though, it's like "Aren't you interested in the fascinating puzzle of how fucked up you are?" and I could really take a pass.
JZ, I think that dust mite statistic is hype -- so does the Straight Dope. Take that with a grain of salt.
