And I cut and pasted, so that's all her.
I am so using the Grammah Slammah on her.
I called F., the bride, and she said this wench is her fiance's cousins wife from Iowa. They RSVP's yes, but the Wench wanted to bring her 3 kids to the NO KIDS PLEASE specified cocktail reception. So she's coming to the wedding (FUN!) and is already on F's shitlist. I told her I was going to go kung-fu on her ass and got her blessing. Her fiance HATES her, and would be happy if she didn't come.
This is what I think I am going with:
Dear ---,
I cannot believe you have the gall to judge my morality based on a reference to clothing in a private e-mail. Furthermore, your threat to contact my employer and report me for moral turpitide is ridiculous, and is quite probably slanderous. Should you choose to do so (please do; I would quite enjoy your public humiliation and the subsequent lawsuit I would inflict on you) I suggest you contact a lawyer first.
Do you even know what moral turpitude means, in the legal sense? From your laughable punctuation in your e-mail, I believe you do not. If you can read anything beyond a first-grade level (and if you can, you should thank a teacher who quite probably wore something beyond a full-length burqa) please consult a legal dictionary before you throw insults beyond your ken at people whom you have never even met, or, indeed, engaged in polite conversation.
I am printing out these emails if you are so unbelieveably stupid to actually take action on this pitiful threat. Please do not contact me again, unless it is with an apology for your thoughtlessness and inappropriateness.
____________
Not a curse word! I'm so proud.
If you date another Buffista, it's not so much a problem.
Tell that to the Zmayhem.
Erin, I am in serious bitchass asskicking mood for you! What the FUCK!?!
Maybe if she spent less time combing through the emails of people she doesn't know and spending her unsolicited two cents then she could, oh, RAISE her children and not worry about those pesky teachers with their shifty, shifty morals.
The FUCK.
Also liking Betsy's and Anne's suggestions, maybe with something added about how people who'd seriously consider trying to get someone they'd never met fired over an offhand remark might just perhaps have a few leetle moral issues of their own. Maybe with a nice Bible quote, the one where Jesus says you should get the log out of your own eye before attending to the speck in your neighbor's eye.
(xposted, of course)
Send it, Erin. It's absolutely perfect.
Oh, Susan, that's priceless. I'm adding it.
Thanks, Betsy! I'm crafting the actual email in another window, and haven't spellchecked yet.
Would this be slander? Or libel? I always get the two mixed up. Honestly, she would get laughed out of my school, anyway.
NB: Oh, too funny! My friend's fiance just emailed and was all "please piss her off so she backs out of the wedding. She told me I was going to hell last Xmas because F. and I are living together before marriage. She's a fucking nutcase."
Erin, I think she sounds like a nutcase, and you should ignore her, and not exchange any more written communication with her. And you know, she's probably a nutcase who is in a snit, because she's is incapable of understanding why anyone wouldn't want her darlings at a grown up reception.
I know there's no satisfaction in ignoring her, but you don't need her sapping your energy, even if she ends up tilting at windmills, you don't need the crap on your windmills, you know. /killjoy
