"Given the quality of the spelling and grammar in your email, maybe you should have paid more attention to your teachers' competence rather than their morality."

Seriously. "do'nt"? What the hell is that?

What a fucking jackhole that woman is. I'd vote for Anne's reply as the one you actually send, with Aimée's as the inner monologue you silently recite while sending it, and silently recite again at the wedding while smiling blankly and letting your eyes slide right past her like she was a visible glob of snot or rancid gas or something else so socially appalling that the only thing to do is pretend it doesn't exist.

Seriously. "do'nt"? What the hell is that?

Obvioulsy, a combination of the words "do NT," expressing her preference of operating systems.

Wow. I wonder how she would feel if she knew that my middle school english teacher can be seen in the beginning of Field of Dreams in one of the Berkely archive films. TOTAL hippie and flower child.

Dear Madam,

If you are competent to judge a person's entire moral character by one word in her vocabulary, you are wasted in your current position. May I suggest that you apply for a job at Homeland Security? Mind readers are always in demand.

I love Anne's and Aimee's replies a lot but I think Betsy's has my heart.

I like Betsy's too. Combine it with Anne's.

t checks voice mail

t checks clendar

Why yes! It is Total Jackhole Day! And me without my hat.

From Steph. L (I think, my record on this typoe of thing is not stellar at this point) nigh two hundred posts ago:

This is the real reason I don't date; I'm afraid of what the Buffistas will call him.

If you date another Buffista, it's not so much a problem. It worked for me. Sort of. Well, Askye talked me into joining for the lurk here, round about the time I started Keeping Company with Dan in chat. 'Twas himself who got me to delurk.

Back from first day of training. Wah! Brain is melty.

OH! The group home I'm going to work at, has a house cat. Looks like Garfield, hates the house manager. Doesn't seem to mind me.

And I cut and pasted, so that's all her.

I am so using the Grammah Slammah on her.

I called F., the bride, and she said this wench is her fiance's cousins wife from Iowa. They RSVP's yes, but the Wench wanted to bring her 3 kids to the NO KIDS PLEASE specified cocktail reception. So she's coming to the wedding (FUN!) and is already on F's shitlist. I told her I was going to go kung-fu on her ass and got her blessing. Her fiance HATES her, and would be happy if she didn't come.

This is what I think I am going with:

Dear ---,

I cannot believe you have the gall to judge my morality based on a reference to clothing in a private e-mail. Furthermore, your threat to contact my employer and report me for moral turpitide is ridiculous, and is quite probably slanderous. Should you choose to do so (please do; I would quite enjoy your public humiliation and the subsequent lawsuit I would inflict on you) I suggest you contact a lawyer first.

Do you even know what moral turpitude means, in the legal sense? From your laughable punctuation in your e-mail, I believe you do not. If you can read anything beyond a first-grade level (and if you can, you should thank a teacher who quite probably wore something beyond a full-length burqa) please consult a legal dictionary before you throw insults beyond your ken at people whom you have never even met, or, indeed, engaged in polite conversation.

I am printing out these emails if you are so unbelieveably stupid to actually take action on this pitiful threat. Please do not contact me again, unless it is with an apology for your thoughtlessness and inappropriateness.

____________

Not a curse word! I'm so proud.

And cereal. BWAH!

Love you guys!