Aimée, it boggles my mind how she can do this without realizing the impact on people. All I'm left thinking is, "gee, I really hope that woman gave Emma a nice gift when she was born and remembers how much Aimée did for her when Aimée's birthday comes around."

They are Emma's godparents and have spent more money on her than I don't even know what. She footed the bill for my baby shower AND bought me my glider. This is why I'm having a hard time reconciling what my gut tells me is right, and everything that she's done for us and how can I say no?

Also, they were both in our wedding an spent a lot of money on us.

how can I say no?

Because if she's your friend then she'll understand that she's asking you to spend money you don't have on material things when what makes your friendship important and lasting are a whole bunch of things you and she can't buy. She wasn't named a godparent because of what she could buy for Em, and she knows that.

She does and she wants me there cause she wants me there. If I showed up with a $10 gift certificate to Target, she's react the same as she would if I bought her her $500 Calvin Klein duvet cover they registered for. As long as I was *there*.

She does and she wants me there cause she wants me there.

I'm glad she's such a good friend, but I really think the spa thing is putting people in an unfortunate position.

Many years ago, I was a bridesmaid for a bride who kept sneaking in expenses. First it was the dress, which was about twice what she said it would be. Then she decided she had to dictate the kind of shoes. There was one thing after another, culminating in her handing us each a box of white gloves at the rehearsal and saying, "You have to wear gloves. You owe me $20." Back in that ancient era, we all had white gloves, which we could have brought with us. This drove me to a fit of compensatory ordering at the rehearsal dinner. I was "Hey, I've never had escargot" girl. You are, I'm sure, a better person than I am.

Which is precisely why it's so sad and why we're all wishing someone would whisper to her and remind her that she's lost sight of her priorities.

Lilty, when I graduated college I went to Europe for three months on basically twenty dollars a day (which included accomodations but not transportation). It was worth every penny pinched and every debt accrued.

While I doubt you could do it for that price a decade (or so) later, you can eat wonderful food if you avoid the chi chi. Hell, just about EVERYTHING will be new even their low-end stuff so enjoy that. In Paris, for example, I got hooked on jambon et burre sandwiches. They were sold at stands and in little shops and while ham and butter on bread sounds lame, its french ham on french bread with french butter (and sometime little french pickles) and it tastes OUTSTANDING and I cheerfully ate them every day. I've never been able to imitate them since. Hot dogs from stands in Vienna had the only draw-back of making me literally unable to eat an American hot dog for TWO YEARS when I returned. (there are various options, the roll is this astonishing crusty thing that they pierce with a spike and squirt mustard into and then pop in the frankfurter or whichever you ordered). At coffee shops in Vienna they bring you your coffee (and there are dozens of ways to order it, each combination of milk, sugar, and coffee is treasured) on a little tray with a glass of water. Have a mug of real Budweiser and see what is being imitated. In London I was tickled that they had tea EVERYWHERE -- sandwich stands in the park included (and those sammiches were tasty too -- the bread was different, the fillings were different). Bakerys rock too. Definately in France, just about everywhere. In Italy just eat pasta every chance you have -- eat gnocchi, it's the only place worth doing so.

OTOH, on a budget there is the odd thing you don't get to do. Going up the Eifel Tower, for example, was prohibitively expensive. Here is the mantra: "_______ isn't going anywhere." It's Europe it's old these people hang onto stuff until grim death and you can always go back someday.

Which is precisely why it's so sad and why we're all wishing someone would whisper to her and remind her that she's lost sight of her priorities.

I wish I could be the one who could do it, but I've spent all my, "You're doing WHAT???" cards on the string quartet and where she chose to register.

OKay, I've never been to an actual bridal shower or had one myself, so maybe I don't know anything, but it seems to me that "I'm sorry, I can't make it" is an acceptable response to any invitation. I'm sure we'd all love to do a lot of things for our friends that we can't, it's a tough thing, but it happens. And we shouldn't make oursleves feel worse about it by thinking about what they have done for us when they could. It's not a balance sheet that has to come out even.

(eta: What I came here to say is, I'm washing a load of laundry in my very own living room right now AIFG! And quiet! Whee!)