$90 plus a tip plus a gift is severely bogglesome.

I did a spa day for my bridesmaids, but more because two of them were insisting on it. And even then, I found a place where even the most expensive crazy-ass multipampering treatment was no higher than $150 and most everything else was $50 and under, then got my dad to promise to pay for half of everything.

And even then, while we were all in there getting steamed and rubbed and painted, one woman went out to the front room to get something and discovered that my dad had sneaked in and left his credit card at the front desk, telling the receptionist to put everything on it and tell us to get whatever we wanted.

I can think of a million things I sorta regret and wish I'd done differently about the planning and the wedding and the reception, but I'm fairly certain I never shafted the people I asked to participate.

eta: ita, all of mine bought their own shoes but I helped with all of the dresses. Hopefully I get partial absolution for also telling them that I didn't care what shoes they wore as long as they kindasorta matched the dresses. I'm still sad that nobody got misty-violet-colored Converse high tops.

As a bridesmaid? Think I'm stuck.

No way. Dude. Not everyone has $100+ to spend on someone's bridal shower. I think it's reasonable to be like, I'm sorry, I simply cannot afford it.

I may need to step away from the discussion, though, because I am really mad about this.

As a bridesmaid? Think I'm stuck.

Is this her only shower? My shallow snap judgment is that she sounds like a person who might have more than one, and that you don't need to attend this one if you attend another.

Signed, Refused All Offers of Showers Because I Didn't Think Anyone Should Have to Buy Me More Stuff

for her shower in California, she wants to invite people out to Palm Springs to the Two Bunch Palms spa

It's for her shower? And she's planning it? The bride's not supposed to throw herself a shower.

Could you suggest something less expensive to do? You're probably not the only one who would have a problem with doing something that extravagant (on top of all the other expenses associated with attending/being in a wedding).

Okay, the shower ought not to be thrown by the bride (or her immediate family) in the first place. If she is throwing it, she ought to be doing so only ***behind the scenes*** to help out people (like beloved but broke friends and bridesmaids) who wanted to throw one for her, but were broke. And the invitations should go out in the name of the friends.

She OUGHT NOT be hosting a "SHOWER" at a place where guests have to PAY for the privilege of giving her gifts. That is the work of a bridezilla. She might be a pleasant, stealthy bridezilla, but it's a bridezilla thing.

I think you are perfectly and well within the bounds to say, "That's not really a shower, if you're throwing it yourself, and people have to pay to attend. Why don't you do it as a bachelorette activity type of thing, and I'll have a small shower at my place for you and [immediate circle of friends and her mom -- like 10 people].

Then, if other people want to throw her other showers, they can, too.

Aimee, that's in serious bad taste. Miss Manners and DearAbby would be seriously appalled.

Before I read that I was going to say you should look into WIC. I know when I was working at a grocery store I know that cereal, juice, milk, formula, cheese, infant cereal, peanut butter, and I think dried beans as well.

See, that pisses me off. Being a bridesmaid should be on her budget, not yours. Suffice it to say, I'm also not down with you paying for your dress or shoes or anything.

Dress = $280.00 (she's paying for half) Shoes = about $70.00 Joe's Tux = $175.00 Plus, toss in plane tickets, gift, etc.

Is this her only shower?

Nope. This will be shower #2 that I will be attending. I will also be at the one in Michigan.

This will be shower #2 that I will be attending.

So you are going?

I may need to step away from the discussion, though, because I am really mad about this.

Please don't - I need my peeps! I'm mad.

She's NOT hosting the shower - her matron of honor is. Her matron of honor is flying in from Minneapolis to do this.

So you are going?

More than likely, yeah. Because I a) have no spine when it comes to her and b) well, I'm not getting her a gift for this shower since she'll get one at her Michigan shower AND I'll prolly throw the bachlorette party so I'ma treat myself to a facial.