An aversion to things that look like things people used to use to kill each other -- allergic to smoking?

Medical issues are introducing just a wee bit of bias. It's a symbol he's averse to. Not a danger. Just a memory of a danger.

I'm not commenting on the merits of his opinion, but the dynamic in the relationship. To make things work in a marriage (I think) you have to concede your positive against your partner's negative. (Not always but generally) you compromise your Good Thing if it's going to be your partner's Bad Thing.

This doesn't change the fact that I don't get to have this beautiful thing that I've been building up in my mind and looking forward to for ages, but I'm only sad and not angry now.

I think this is a case of "the king may die, or the horse may die, or I may die, or the horse may talk"; by the time you've achieved your dream, your husband may well have gotten used to the idea.

Also: Go Erin with the details! You scrumped with a young critter.

you have to concede your positive against your partner's negative

So (and I'm chronically single, so bear with me) they don't have to examine their negative? I mean, no always wins? There's no sucking it up from the other side?

I sure did!

Or he scrumped me, or something. "Scrumped." That's a new one.

I may never walk right again. But that's...kinda ok.

So (and I'm chronically single, so bear with me) they don't have to examine their negative? I mean, no always wins? There's no sucking it up from the other side?

Not quite. You're completely able to raise the issue and try to get your partner to reconsider their objection. Sometimes they'll go, "Huh. You are so right." But rarely. Ultimately you have to respect their feelings even when they seem CRAXY. Bottom line (my opinion only) you have to privilege the relationship over your wants, but that doesn't mean you can't advocate for what you want.

And some issues are non-negotiable (cf. JZ giving up beloved cats to move in with allergic me.)

Erin's new tag: "scrumptious".

Erin's new tag: "scrumptious".

She's all that and a bag of chips.

Ultimately you have to respect their feelings even when they seem CRAXY

And they have to do the same, right? That's the part I don't get. If Mr. W came to you with his side of exactly this divide, would you tell him to sit tight until he gets what he wants, because he's on the negative side, or would you tell him to think about how important this is for Susan, how much it means to him, and that he should respect the priorities of the woman he married, even when they seem CRAXY?

I may never walk right again. But that's...kinda ok.

Anyone here tried Zelnorm?
What? PDR? Eh, I have Buffista power!