Ah, Gud. Is there someone who can watch the kidlets for a weekend while you two go somewhere quiet and peaceful and try to reconnect?

Sparky, I'm so sorry for you and for Mr. Sparky, who is a sweet, darling man, and deserves to have the world leave his family alone.

Nora, good luck getting the bids in soon, and remember, this part of homebuying will soon be over.

Kittens, perhaps?

I want a kitten. I"ve got two cats, but I want a kitten. A bouncy, big-eyed, ball of fluff who will collapse on me to take naps but who isn't so heavy that this is an inconvenience.

When one's biological clock goes off, aren't you supposed to be longing for babies of your own species?

She's not a bad person or anything, it's just hard to get along right now and I'm not sure how we're going to fix things.

Definitely not a bad person--you married her and she's the mother of your kids. It's just hard for some people to work through the rough patches. Spoken from experience--I've taken DH for granted and forgotten what a great guy he is, too. Hopefully, she'll put in as much effort as you have been to figuring out what's wrong and finding a solution, for the sake of your family.

Ah, Gud. Is there someone who can watch the kidlets for a weekend while you two go somewhere quiet and peaceful and try to reconnect?

We've done that a couple of times, but it didn't seem to go well.

We've done that a couple of times, but it didn't seem to go well.

It's tough to get perspective, or new tools, when the two involved are working from old patterns and accumulated resentment.

And, honestly? Gud, it might make sense to talk to somebody (of course I'm going to recommend getting help, either personal or professional...it works!) on your own...about your pain, etc...before attempting to work things out between you.

I've stopped more than one couple's counseling session when it became obvious that there was just too much 'stuff' crammed between them for either to see the other clearly.

eta: I sincerely believe that changing the internal landscape causes life outside outselves to shift. Plus? So much more effective than trying to change someone else. Which is pretty much, techically impossible anyway.

We've been doing counseling and will probably continue to do so.

I should have guessed that. I apologize for the assumption.

My wish for you then, would be that the work becomes something that gives you greater peace than you can imagine.

We've done that a couple of times, but it didn't seem to go well.

Gud, you're an amazing example of someone who is really trying to work it out.

Plei, thanks so much for the regular pictures of Lily! They/You/She are/is amazing! So flustered by the amazing, I can hardly get the words out.

Gud, a few times, I've heard friends say things get worse for a while in counseling (of any sort). Do you think maybe things are getting rougher because you're getting to some meaty stuff in counseling? I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your love for and devotion to your family is always evident.

Sparky, I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through, too. His poor family. Ugh.

Oy, Gud. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I wish I could say something to offer you hope, but her behavior is very discouraging to me. The key indicator on whether a marriage is going to survive is how respectfully the partners treat each other. It doesn't matter how much you argue, but it does matter if those arguments are laced with contempt.

And her little sniping comments and criticisms are exactly the kind of things which rate as contemptuous. It's a really bad sign. Also all the time she's spending at church, skipping out on you and the kids - really bad sign.

To me she's giving every indication of already emotionally removing herself from the marriage. I'm so worried for you and the kids, and it's so frustrating because I see you working on it, and I don't see her making that same commitment.