Kristen, where do you get your car washed?

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You do know that my post was in reference to Britney, yes?

Yes. I can't imagine why you'd pay someone to write that. Being stupid is one thing. Paying to have yourself made look that way -- I don't want to lower my expectations that much.

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I hate to be part of the pile-on, but some of Waldman's columns have pinged my discomfort meter in ways that Lamott's confessions of occasional rage and frustration against her kid don't.

Last week Waldman wrote a column about how much she hopes her 6-year-old son grows up to be gay, for a host of reasons both frivolous (joking that a gay son makes a great shopping partner and that way she'll know that no other woman will ever come between them) and serious (openness, acceptance, the fact that he's already self-identifying as gay and she thinks it's amazing that he feels safe and secure enough to say so). And reading it was... icky. It didn't feel like something I wanted to know, or something that her son will in later years thank her for having written and posted in Salon.

She and Lamott get lumped together a lot in the Salon letters and TT, but her confessionals, and the feelings they might stir up in her children, feel an order of magnitude different from Sam Lamott finding out he was a cranky toddler who knew how to push his mother's buttons.

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Dirty laundry, and not even hers.

Spot-on. The only person's secrets you get to tell are yours.

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do you think she writes that shit herself?

Sadly, I do.

Kristen, where do you get your car washed?

Depends. I either go to Playa Vista down the block from my office. Or Sunset Car Wash on Sunset near Fairfax.

The latter has the added option of being next door to a Coffee Bean.

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The only person's secrets you get to tell are yours.

And sometimes, you should prolly refrain from that too.

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Coffee Bean.

Coffee Bean obsessive!

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I thought this was an interesting article (NY Times, registration required), and definitely going to hit some buttons, but it's really stirring people up.

I thought it was interesting. I never thought of it as a them or him thing. I've played "what if" with all of them. I hate all the outcomes. I want them all. They're mine. They came to me.

I don't think I've ever played "I'd rather" with them, though. That seems (personally for me, not criticizing the author) like a betrayal of all of them. Of course, now my brain is thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking. I love Scott differently from how I love the kids. There are more (and some different) kinds of protectiveness involved in my love for them, than there is in my love for him. But also, I know that in the "I'd rather" leg of the "what if" game, he'd rather die in their place And I would rather die in their place, too, so it's a non-starter.

A strong relationship between the parents, where that relationship is the primary one, is a great ingredient for a good family with children. I think I think of a family as an entity, and don't split the parts so much.

The Salon kerfuffle has been interesting to watch, but "not publically humiliating your children" strikes me as good policy regardless of your profession, gender, or fame.

Yeah. I think that's where I did feel funny about the piece, and the not-included line ita mentioned, where she says she'd let her child take a bullet for her husband. I don't think people need to be ripping her a new one, or calling DSS, but I...it's weird to read, and maybe a little sad--not that she loves her husband so, but that...I don't know. I can't put my finger on it.

People ripped Anne Lamott to shreds, too, for admitting that sometimes you really resent your kids.

People who'd never been puked on at 3:00 in the morning, or taken a toe nail in the eye, I'm guessing?

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Depends. I either go to Playa Vista down the block from my office. Or Sunset Car Wash on Sunset near Fairfax.

Ooh, thanks. I desparately need to get my car washed, and my old place was basically at work. I figured you would know a good place, what with the car love and all.

t /car geek

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I want them all. They're mine. They came to me.

I made them with materials I had lying around the house.

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