"Try this for a deep dark secret: The great detective Remington Steele... He doesn't exist. I invented him. Follow: I'd always loved excitement, So I studied and apprenticed, and put my name on an office. But absolutely no one knocked on my door. A female private investigator seemed so... feminine. So I invented a superior. A decidedly masculine superior. Suddenly there were cases around the block. It was working like a charm. Until the day he walked in, with his blue eyes and mysterious past. And before I knew it, he assumed Remington Steele's identity. Now I do the work, and he takes the bows. It's a dangerous way to live, But as long as people buy it, I can get the job done. We never mix business with pleasure. Well...almost never. I don't even know his real name!"

Ooh, that's a good one.

Suddenly I really want to watch Remington Steele. Although I never really liked what's-her-name. Stephanie Zimbalist.

Gah! Why the hell do I remember that name! I could be using that brainspace!

t ring!

"...Hello?"

(Original Bob Newhart show--not a monologue, but I always loved it.)

Gah! Why the hell do I remember that name! I could be using that brainspace!

Blame Ephram Zimbalist Jr.

"Try this for a deep dark secret:

That was in my list of examples. It's the only one I can recite word-perfect from memory. Siiiiigh.

How about the Rockford Files answering machine?

I'm pretty sure there is an opening monologue on Alias -- or there used to be.

I think Sci-Fi's Invisible Man had a voiceover, but I can't find it.

DX wins.

The hey now? I transcribed it. How many shiny geek points do I rack up for that?