Sean, the answer to your solution can be found in the movies:

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigalow.

Yes, they treat me like shit. Most makeup people treat me like shit. I don't know why.

I'm sorry, Allyson. That sucks. I promise to be extra nice to you in the future, to help balance out the makeup/LA scorecard, even though I won't be selling you anything.

I've never actually had a problem with makeup people, except for this one guy in NY, who told me that my mouth was misshapen and uneven, and I'd need to add lipstick around the outside on one side, in order to even my lips out. I think he was crazy, and that my mouth is fine. I quite like my lips, actually. But yeah, usually no problem at all at makeup counters.

Seattle's not really laid back. We're just generally anti-social housebodies.

This makes no sense to me. In Seattle, they'd be tripping over their feet to help you.

This is true. And the Sephora ladies would greet you cheerfully, possibly even by name. Even if it's been a couple of months since you've been in the store.

::cough::

Not that I've had that experience in the last week or two...

The Prescriptives people up here tend to suck, at least the downtown ones. Laura Mercier, if you can find a time when the freaking booth is staffed, has nice people. I've also had good luck with the people at Stila and Origins. Oh, and the Brass Plum makeup section at Nordies is great, and usually staffed by hyper gay boys.

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigalow.

You say that like the thought has never crossed my mind....

So, my lunch was delicious, but unfortunately also decided to take a tiny little visit to my white pants. Which stinks.

Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigalow.

You say that like the thought has never crossed my mind....

Man-whoring! You'd be a he-bitch!

TV from 8-10pm used to be milder, on purpose, when we were children, out of an understanding that the potential audience was of all ages.

I'm sure it was. Honestly, I wouldn't have known if hardcore porn was on every channel. I used "strict" as shorthand, but it was more that my mom encouraged us to find better things to do than watching TV, and i didn't have a problem with that. Between that and an early bedtime, I think the only primetime show I saw regularly in elementary school was "The Cosby Show." (When I was 8 or so, my best friend named her hamsters Crockett and Tubbs. I couldn't have picked Don Johnson out of a lineup until years later.) Which probably makes me an outlier in several ways, but I'm still hoping the same general approach works when I have kids.

(Of course, in 7th grade I got a TV in my room, and went on a complete bender, but never mind that.)

One day I will learn how to purchase and properly apply makeup.

Today is not that day.

I sing the dog coat electric! Fido and the amazing electrified dream coat!

Electric dog coats may offer protection for pets

Wolves in Finland with a taste for domestic canines in for a shock

HELSINKI - Finnish wolves with a taste for domestic dogs could be in for a shock as an electrified dog-coat could soon be on sale in Helsinki shops.

The dog-coat sends 1,000 volts of electricity through a predatory wolf when it bites into the outer layer, but is designed to ensure the pampered pet feels no pain from the jolt.

entertain me, please.