T!C it was wonderful piece. I think the new organization may make it stronger for an audience who has not shared the experience so much - non-church goers.

It start with a narrative fact (non-church goer, not thinking about jesus grandma is dead.) then a commonplace scent from a commonplace activity (unwrapping a mint) evokes memories of lesss common place and invokes a mystery. And then you've got the story, the church and being slipped the mints, and drawing in the program. And the powerful ending, her and Christ chilling amongst the roses.

I was a little reluctant to give this feedback. Obviously, organization in fiction is a very personal thing; what order to tell things in is very subjective. But this other order felt so right, I thought it might be useful.

I am so utterly adorable.
My denial of same, deplorable.
I'd quite like a willy
Either wet or dry
It may seem mad, but it's no lie,
I'd like a tiara before I die.

One can but try.
Glad you came by.
If just to say hi.
You're one great guy.

May I ask why
Your esteem is so high,
That if I were nigh,
You'd buy me pie?

In the Hospitality Suite
They thought it'd be neat
To pretend to be Pete
And play up the 'Sweet'

But now I am back
To find I've been hacked
Facing a fuckton of flack
Though I didn't do jack

But everything's fine
Pay heed to the signs
Cos after this line
Vengeance is mine...

Have camera. Prepare for war, mother-fuckers.

Luv, Pete

Wow, I totally killed it dead. Deader than a dead naked mole rat.

Nah, Erin. We're all just in resting mode after the F2F. I love what you posted of your story so far. Are you going to give us more?

I have more, yes. I just didn't want to innundate with the unwanted,