I fell down and got confused. Willow fixed me. She's gay.

BuffyBot ,'Dirty Girls'


The Great Write Way, Chapter Two: Twice upon a time...  

A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.


Strix - May 17, 2006 7:20:26 pm PDT #6734 of 10001
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

In The Garden

I always thought I'd meet Jesus in a garden. Not the Garden of Eden; nothing so specific. Just me and Christ, chilling amongst the roses. I think it stems from going to church with my grandma when I was a little girl. I don't know the title of it, but my favorite hymn's chorus went: And he walked with me/And he talked with me/And he tells me I am his own/And the love we shared/As we tarried there/None ever/Has ever/Known." Grandma would slip my sister and I peppermints, and we would draw on the programs.

I don't think of Jesus much nowadays; I never go to church and Grandma is dead. But whenever I unwrap a round red-and-white mint, I smell my grandmother's Youth Dew, hear that hymn, and walk around in the garden.


Typo Boy - May 17, 2006 7:45:14 pm PDT #6735 of 10001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.

-t I will probably think of compost heaps as gardens from now on

Erin I like it, but wonder about re-arranging the order - starting with the scent and ending with Jesus.


Strix - May 17, 2006 7:47:09 pm PDT #6736 of 10001
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

D'you mean 2nd para first?


Typo Boy - May 17, 2006 7:50:31 pm PDT #6737 of 10001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.

Hmm - would it be OK if I post my version. Still your words (only one or two actually changed) but drastically different order?


Strix - May 17, 2006 7:54:02 pm PDT #6738 of 10001
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

Sure, no big.


Typo Boy - May 17, 2006 7:55:39 pm PDT #6739 of 10001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.

Erin's "In the Garden" Re-arranged

=============

In The Garden

I don't think of Jesus much nowadays; I never go to church and Grandma is dead. But whenever I unwrap a round red-and-white mint, I smell my grandmother's Youth Dew, hear that hymn, and walk around in the garden.

When I was a little girl, Church meant Grandma slipping my sister and me peppermints while we drew in the program. My favorite hymn's chorus went: "And he walked with me/And he talked with me/And he tells me I am his own/And the love we shared/As we tarried there/None ever/Has ever/Known."

To me, that meant I’d meet Jesus in a garden. Not the Garden of Eden; nothing so specific. Just me and Christ, chilling amongst the roses.

t Edited to include Deborah's correction.


Strix - May 17, 2006 7:57:33 pm PDT #6740 of 10001
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

You know, I agree with you. I do like your organization better. More punch.

Excellent feedback.


deborah grabien - May 17, 2006 8:00:20 pm PDT #6741 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

Church meant Grandma slipping my sister and I peppermints

Erin, and you an English teacher, girlfriend.

"slipping my sister and I peppermints"?

take out the "my sister and" and what do you get? "Church meant Grandma slipping I peppermints."

My sister and me, please.


Typo Boy - May 17, 2006 8:00:50 pm PDT #6742 of 10001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.

Well editing someone else's work is so much friggin easier than editing your own.


Typo Boy - May 17, 2006 8:01:39 pm PDT #6743 of 10001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.

Which obviously doesn't mean I catch everything.