Buffistas

You never know if a girl's gonna say 'yes', or if she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still-beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.

Xander ,'Help'

The Great Write Way, Chapter Two: Twice upon a time...

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A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.

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Strix - Mar 02, 2006 4:48:22 pm PST #5682 of 10001

A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

Came right outta me in about 2 minutes. I may tweak, but tell me what you think... _________________________________

I have sank my white body
into oil-filmed waters.
I have risen, steam coiling, skin silken;
Trailed veils of scent across my neck; down
And through that deep secret valley of my breasts.

My violincello hips sigh in the embrace of earth-deep velvet,
while my scent-proud breasts fight the delicate grip of silk.
Silver vines sparkletwine the pillars of my thighs:
my hair is a burnished gleam,
my eyes a Mediterannean dare.

Who speaks of my lips?
They speak of themselves.

I pause, one foot tentative over the threshold --
One half of me inside, the other
Out.

One part longing for love.
The other, remembering...

I have forgotten to bring my heart.

sj - Mar 02, 2006 6:07:36 pm PST #5683 of 10001

"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."

Good one, Erin!

Beverly - Mar 02, 2006 6:35:07 pm PST #5684 of 10001

Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.

Erin, it's lovely and langurous and full of delicious sensuous details. I really like it a lot.

A couple of things:

Either "I sank my white body" or "I have sunk my white body". Your choice.

"down/Aand through that (deep or secret scans better) valley of my breasts."

I'd quibble over the scansion of "tentative," but it makes such a lovely mind-picture my impulse is to leave it.

Lovely work.

deborah grabien - Mar 03, 2006 7:16:59 am PST #5685 of 10001

It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

One part longing for love.
>The other, remembering...

I have forgotten to bring my heart.

Oh, yes. Yes indeed.

Strix - Mar 03, 2006 11:50:36 am PST #5686 of 10001

A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger

Fuck, I just lost a long post. Goddammit.

EDIT: Oh, it's letting me post again.

Here, again with some changes: ___________________________________

I have sunk my white body
into oil-filmed waters.
I have risen, steam coiling, skin silken;
Trailed veils of scent across my neck; down
And through that secret valley of my breasts.

My violoncello hips sigh in the embrace of earth-deep velvet,
scent-proud breasts fight the delicate grip of silk.
Silver vines sparkletwine the pillars of my thighs:
my hair is a burnished gleam,
my eyes a Mediterranean dare.

Who speaks of my lips?
They speak of themselves.

I pause, one foot faltering on the threshold --
One half of me inside, the other
Out.

One part longing for love.
The other, remembering...

I have forgotten to bring my heart.

Deb, I'm glad you like the last stanza. It was the first one to come to me.

Bev, thanks for the so-useful tips! They make it better.

Zenkitty - Mar 03, 2006 1:58:45 pm PST #5687 of 10001

Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.

Gorgeous, Erin.

SailAweigh - Mar 03, 2006 2:37:30 pm PST #5688 of 10001

Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. That's how I feel from reading that.

Thanks, Erin!

Beverly - Mar 03, 2006 8:28:49 pm PST #5689 of 10001

Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.

I love the alliteration of "one foot faltering".

The whole thing is lovely.

deborah grabien - Mar 07, 2006 6:55:32 am PST #5690 of 10001

It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

Teppy? New topic?

Allyson - Mar 07, 2006 7:25:36 am PST #5691 of 10001

Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica

My agent left my agency, and now I have a new agent. I'm freaking out a little (lot) about it. Mostly because I loved my agent not just as an agent but as a whole, loveable person.

Lost, now. The plan is to keep trudging through the manuscript, beefing things up, and such.

I think it'll be okay to talk to the editor as soon as the contract is signed by them, get a little more of a sense of what their ideas are.

Still, a bit lost.

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