Lilah ,'Not Fade Away'
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Erin, it's lovely and langurous and full of delicious sensuous details. I really like it a lot.
A couple of things:
Either "I sank my white body" or "I have sunk my white body". Your choice.
"down/Aand through that (deep or secret scans better) valley of my breasts."
I'd quibble over the scansion of "tentative," but it makes such a lovely mind-picture my impulse is to leave it.
Lovely work.
One part longing for love.
>The other, remembering...
I have forgotten to bring my heart.
Oh, yes. Yes indeed.
Fuck, I just lost a long post. Goddammit.
EDIT: Oh, it's letting me post again.
Here, again with some changes: ___________________________________
I have sunk my white body
into oil-filmed waters.
I have risen, steam coiling, skin silken;
Trailed veils of scent across my neck; down
And through that secret valley of my breasts.
My violoncello hips sigh in the embrace of earth-deep velvet,
scent-proud breasts fight the delicate grip of silk.
Silver vines sparkletwine the pillars of my thighs:
my hair is a burnished gleam,
my eyes a Mediterranean dare.
Who speaks of my lips?
They speak of themselves.
I pause, one foot faltering on the threshold --
One half of me inside, the other
Out.
One part longing for love.
The other, remembering...
I have forgotten to bring my heart.
Deb, I'm glad you like the last stanza. It was the first one to come to me.
Bev, thanks for the so-useful tips! They make it better.
Gorgeous, Erin.
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. That's how I feel from reading that.
Thanks, Erin!
I love the alliteration of "one foot faltering".
The whole thing is lovely.
Teppy? New topic?
My agent left my agency, and now I have a new agent. I'm freaking out a little (lot) about it. Mostly because I loved my agent not just as an agent but as a whole, loveable person.
Lost, now. The plan is to keep trudging through the manuscript, beefing things up, and such.
I think it'll be okay to talk to the editor as soon as the contract is signed by them, get a little more of a sense of what their ideas are.
Still, a bit lost.
Allyson, having just changed agents myself about two weeks ago, I can empathise. It's scary.
Did she leave to go to another agency? Was there a choice to stay with her or stick with the current agency?
She doesn't really know, deb. Just a big lifechange. She's going to the Bay Area to start anew, and said of course she'll be there for me, cheering and supporting. Love. Her.
I'm sure the new agent will be cool, but I can't shake the thought that I'm a burden who has been tossed upon her, whereas Kate wanted me.
I FEEL LIKE A FOSTER KID.