Is meara around?

Vesta Tilley, one of the first drag kings.

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That's not what leeches do. Leeches ask, piteously, or lurk with eyelashes aflutter.

Yeah. I'm lucky enough to not have to worry about money. If that means letting someone stay in my hotel room at a con so I can have the pleasure of seeing them, works for me.

Exactly, plus what Jesse said. If I am going to be somewhere anyway, I have no issue saying someone can crash in my hotel room. Doesn't cost me anything, I get to be around fun people, and I know what it was like to be cash short.

Also, speaking for myself, I like treating people to dinner or whatever, and frequently will, regardless of their financial status. I've bought just as many dinners for ita as I have for any other laista.

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Really?

Well, I didn't know about Lysana, but I think she was in school when I was posting with her a lot. I know I was around when she got married. And then there was the handle change, you never really recover from that.

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Well, you're the only person so far who makes significantly more than I'd guessed from reading their posts over the years...

Really? I post like a pauper? Heh.

I was wondering if I read that incorrectly, or if the "more" should have read "less".

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My own weird issues, Jesse, which I sometimes place on others. When I want to do dinner and a movie with someone and they say, "no money this week" I tend to say, "what if I get a couple of movies and a pizza and we hang out then?" I don't know why it's different, but it is in a way because I'm just sharing what I would have gotten for myself, I can't eat a whole pizza, and the DVD costs the same no matter how many people come over to watch. So when someone offers that, it doesn't feel like I'm taking. My issue. I know. One I often project onto others who I assume are as sensitive as I am about borrowing money or accepting gifts.

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Steph, I'd have assumed you made at least 5k a year more. (But that's knowing what editors make around here and attempting to mentally adjust to your location.)

I envy your cheap rent.

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(But that's knowing what editors make around here and attempting to mentally adjust to your location.)

Who knows, maybe I just knew Steph was an editor and didn't know the pay scale for that job. Basically I probably had my head way up my ass, but at least I have fun with my wild theories.

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I have two friends who are bazillionaires, and when we go out to eat, it's to a place I can afford, too. And due to getting the pride thing, one lets me pick up the bill when I offer. Feels fair.

Back in my Detroit days, I never asked people to go anywhere cheaper because of me. I was lucky in that I could often say "Dude. I can't afford that. You pay or I stay home." without it sounding like a passive aggressive ultimatum. It was merely the truth. Sometimes I stayed home, sometimes I had a stupendously expensive meal. I prefer the latter, when money was buying quality, but I don't expect the latter. Some people can just drop $200 for me to eat dinner without blinking. If they really want to, and I don't feel pity coming across, sometimes I'd let them.

I, more often than not, paid for dinner for my parents when they were here. Felt strange. Felt like I was paying them back, showing off, going native, being uppity, being kind -- a million contradictory things. I know, sometimes, they like paying for me. They get something out of that, even when we both have the money.

And I realise -- I do too. It's a thing. A thing unrelated to pity, and (as Lee mentions) income. I'm not, for example, a good gift-giver. It makes me feel awkward and exposed. Picking up the tab? Even if I don't remember as often as I'd like to, it's about my level of imagination.

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What bugs is the, "we'll/I'll pay." Just makes me feel like a leech.

I don't think you should feel that way if people are offering of their own free will. I've treated friends to nice meals out because I wanted to enjoy the pleasure of their company and knew things were a little tight for them. Being the recipient of that sort of thing is in no way leeching.

Since we're sharing:
Gross salary: $43K
Monthly rent: $700
Debt: Roughly $2500 (which I hope to have paid off next month between a tax refund and a fortuitous pay cycle that results in what's effectively a spare check)

Before last May I had, well, not money to burn, but enough to be fairly indulgent with travel and luxuries between the massive overtime and paying $400 a month less in rent and gas. Things are fairly tight now what with the new place and the commute, but I'm happy enough about where I live to make it worthwhile. (Really, the place I'm in would be at least $500 more a month if not for my next-door neighbors: the I-240 Expressway, Cheech, and Chong.)

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I know we've talked over strategies for how to not spend money when friends have money to spend in the past. I think it was Lilty who asked for advice, last summer.

It was me, and you guys had fantastical advice. Since then I got the new job and am making more, but I seriously need to be better about spending so things can change. So, after a quick foray through Quicken, here it is.

Salary: 34K Rent: $340 Debt: $22,500 (Quicken doesn't include my car since it is worth approximatly what I owe. That would be another 7K)

Wow. This is like therapy.

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