My best friend makes close to 3 times what I do, which is just really really annoying.

One of my bad habits is psychoanalyzing people, but you know how they say that income inequality matters more to our self-esteem than our absolute income? Well, you're the only person so far who makes significantly more than I'd guessed from reading their posts over the years... I wonder if the closeness isn't triggering that ancient circuit in your brain that says "There seems to be a lot of food around here, everyone else is prospering... I'd better get a little anxious so I don't get left behind!"

Allyson, you should really know that good people chip in when they can, and accept a chip when they can't, and that's what makes the world a nice place to live in.

Salary: $66K
Rent: $750/mo for an efficiency studio (more like a converted hotel room)
Debt: Student loans of an amount I don't remember, but somewhere around $10K between me and the DH. Filed bankrupcty in 2003 to kick off the credit card debt we'd acquired and couldn't keep up on due to DH's chronic unemployment. Some piddly things relating to emergency room visits and uncovered medical debts.

I know we've talked over strategies for how to not spend money when friends have money to spend in the past. I think it was Lilty who asked for advice, last summer.

I thought I was maniacally cheap, till I met my flatmate, who is more maniacal than thou (or me). She has to be, to get by on her income, which right now is all grad school loans. It flatters my sense of cleverness to clip coupons and find bargains, but for her it is absolute necessity.

Actually, that differential in our incomes is something we dance around gently -- when the electricity bill goes up in winter, it's something that's easier for me to bear than for her. I talked her into sharing my Netflix queue, without sharing the costs of the subscription, by calling it a birthday present to both of us.

Suddenly I am thinking, I need to take her out for a drink, just because. Maybe after her exams are over.

You know what I think the issue is for me? I'm very very prideful, and I hate the thought of anyone thinking, "Oh, poor Steph -- no, literally, *poor* Steph." My best friend and I have been friends since we were 16 (shit, that's more than half our lives), so I don't know why I have this issue of just not saying "Hey, I don't make COO money; can we get pizza?" Hell, she's held my hair when I puked, she's seen me naked, she knows all my dirty secrets. What I earn shouldn't be any big deal.

Dude. Thanks for guiding me through the self-pep-talk, y'all!

Go you, Steph. You can alternate cheap/spendy, even. It's not like you're destitute, you just can't ALWAYS have the $40 bottle.

Hell, she's held my hair when I puked, she's seen me naked, she knows all my dirty secrets.

Yeah, but we're talking about money here. I mean... that's sacred!

Well, you're the only person so far who makes significantly more than I'd guessed from reading their posts over the years...

Really? I post like a pauper? Heh.

I just wonder if she stops and thinks about it.

Probably not, because people do so rarely discuss money. My comfort level is going to be in a wider range than some of the folks I know, but it mostly matches.

I have two friends who are bazillionaires, and when we go out to eat, it's to a place I can afford, too. And due to getting the pride thing, one lets me pick up the bill when I offer. Feels fair.

I don't have a huge problem with a friend offering to pay for a social thing when I'm between jobs because when I'm the one gainfully employed, I'm the one who will say "No, I think this would be fun for both of us. Don't worry, I'll cover it."

When I was 20, and went dutch for everything, I was astounded to be told that a time would come when I would sometimes insist on paying for others. I'm probably behind the overall curve in how that kind of thing works, but I'm learning slowly.