Well, you're the only person so far who makes significantly more than I'd guessed from reading their posts over the years...

Really? I post like a pauper? Heh.

I was wondering if I read that incorrectly, or if the "more" should have read "less".

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My own weird issues, Jesse, which I sometimes place on others. When I want to do dinner and a movie with someone and they say, "no money this week" I tend to say, "what if I get a couple of movies and a pizza and we hang out then?" I don't know why it's different, but it is in a way because I'm just sharing what I would have gotten for myself, I can't eat a whole pizza, and the DVD costs the same no matter how many people come over to watch. So when someone offers that, it doesn't feel like I'm taking. My issue. I know. One I often project onto others who I assume are as sensitive as I am about borrowing money or accepting gifts.

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Steph, I'd have assumed you made at least 5k a year more. (But that's knowing what editors make around here and attempting to mentally adjust to your location.)

I envy your cheap rent.

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(But that's knowing what editors make around here and attempting to mentally adjust to your location.)

Who knows, maybe I just knew Steph was an editor and didn't know the pay scale for that job. Basically I probably had my head way up my ass, but at least I have fun with my wild theories.

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I have two friends who are bazillionaires, and when we go out to eat, it's to a place I can afford, too. And due to getting the pride thing, one lets me pick up the bill when I offer. Feels fair.

Back in my Detroit days, I never asked people to go anywhere cheaper because of me. I was lucky in that I could often say "Dude. I can't afford that. You pay or I stay home." without it sounding like a passive aggressive ultimatum. It was merely the truth. Sometimes I stayed home, sometimes I had a stupendously expensive meal. I prefer the latter, when money was buying quality, but I don't expect the latter. Some people can just drop $200 for me to eat dinner without blinking. If they really want to, and I don't feel pity coming across, sometimes I'd let them.

I, more often than not, paid for dinner for my parents when they were here. Felt strange. Felt like I was paying them back, showing off, going native, being uppity, being kind -- a million contradictory things. I know, sometimes, they like paying for me. They get something out of that, even when we both have the money.

And I realise -- I do too. It's a thing. A thing unrelated to pity, and (as Lee mentions) income. I'm not, for example, a good gift-giver. It makes me feel awkward and exposed. Picking up the tab? Even if I don't remember as often as I'd like to, it's about my level of imagination.

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What bugs is the, "we'll/I'll pay." Just makes me feel like a leech.

I don't think you should feel that way if people are offering of their own free will. I've treated friends to nice meals out because I wanted to enjoy the pleasure of their company and knew things were a little tight for them. Being the recipient of that sort of thing is in no way leeching.

Since we're sharing:
Gross salary: $43K
Monthly rent: $700
Debt: Roughly $2500 (which I hope to have paid off next month between a tax refund and a fortuitous pay cycle that results in what's effectively a spare check)

Before last May I had, well, not money to burn, but enough to be fairly indulgent with travel and luxuries between the massive overtime and paying $400 a month less in rent and gas. Things are fairly tight now what with the new place and the commute, but I'm happy enough about where I live to make it worthwhile. (Really, the place I'm in would be at least $500 more a month if not for my next-door neighbors: the I-240 Expressway, Cheech, and Chong.)

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I know we've talked over strategies for how to not spend money when friends have money to spend in the past. I think it was Lilty who asked for advice, last summer.

It was me, and you guys had fantastical advice. Since then I got the new job and am making more, but I seriously need to be better about spending so things can change. So, after a quick foray through Quicken, here it is.

Salary: 34K Rent: $340 Debt: $22,500 (Quicken doesn't include my car since it is worth approximatly what I owe. That would be another 7K)

Wow. This is like therapy.

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My own weird issues, Jesse, which I sometimes place on others.

I was just saying.

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We're contemplating refinancing our house with a 5-year interest-only mortgage.

Just the interest on our house is 2,426.04.

We can never, ever, ever retire.

Don't get me wrong. I am ridiculously comfortable. But when I look at my finances, I'm terrified: they depend completely on having two computer-industry salaries. Pretty fragile, that.

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What bugs is the, "we'll/I'll pay." Just makes me feel like a leech.

I kind of get you on that. With very close friends, or once in a long while, it's cool, but it's not exactly comfortable. And it's less so when it's not that I completely don't have the money, i.e., flat broke, but I'm trying to keep a handle on costs for a couple of weeks or something.

And I'm one of those who will sometimes offer to pick things up if a friend doesnt' want to spend the money - I know it doesn't feel that way from the offeror's side. But that doesn't make it any more comfortable when I find myself on the other end.

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